cRPG
cRPG => General Discussion => Topic started by: mandible/splinteryourjaw on August 26, 2012, 02:56:10 pm
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If you think you have the power to pound others into a puddle read and apply.
If you need chamber kick practice read and apply.
The Nebun-Vovka line has been erased and all are welcome to cross the border and have fun with us.
Any questions pm chadz, Meow, CMP, Okin, Shik and anyone else you can think of on the admin team 8-)
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Pasted from strat diplomacy for more visibility:
Once not long ago in a not too far away place there was a land ruled by Nobody. Many called this land Vezin, which in ancient litrotanganese means land of the beautiful horse.
It was named well, for within the borders there lived the most beautiful Rouncey horse that ever was to be. Her name: "Rouncey". The peasants of this ever so poor land cherished their beloved rouncey horse above all else. Their over-protective nature led to the rouncey horse developing a rebellious streak four and one half miles wide. One night, after being lovingly tucked into her stall by the ever doting peasants of Vezin, Rouncey got a wild hair up her @#! and snuck out the stall window. Once free of the confines of her stall, she quickly ran off into the moonlight. Rouncey's first taste of freedom proved exhilarating. She began to sneak out on almost a nightly basis. Her quest for new highs led her further and further from the protection of her warm stall.
As fate would have it, across the land there lived another beautiful equine, his name simply "Jackass." For his sexual prowess, he was renowned throughout the land and hailed as the lord daddy of all things Jackassish. Habitually roaming, and bedding down where-ever the hay was warm, Jackass was a gigolo. He came from a wandering tribe of steppe nomads and this suited his love 'em and leave 'em lifestyle.
It so happened that one day Jackass's people, being caught in a great windstorm, were blown to the edges of Rivacheg. There they came upon a small inlet known for its dense population of lutefish. Being nothing more than scavengers, the nomads decided to eat the raw lutefish. They soon became enamored with its odiferous properties. Unable to quite place their finger upon the reasons why, they couldn't help but think of Momma when a large lutefish was caught and skewered. This new land beside the inlet became Jackass's new home. Seeking to once again establish himself as the Lord and Creator of all things Jackassish, Jackass began to seek out worthy trophies.
By happenstance, one cold dark night Jackass discovered Rouncey galloping through a moonlit field of fly laden, rotting potatoes. Some say it was the lutefish, others the vile stench of the fermenting potatoes; regardless why, the two equines fell into the legs of each other. All night and for the remainder of the next week the two tried to untie the knot they had worked themselves into. Having no luck they fell into a coma as the smells of their surroundings chipped away their resolve to live.
Meanwhile, the poor citizens of Vezin searched far and near for their beloved Rouncey. All was in vain, until one dark and gloomy night a thunderous EEE-YYYAAAAAAAAA filled the air. Worried that his kid had fallen into the well again, the village elder rushed to his bedside. No, the boy was still asleep! EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. As the noise continued the nameless elder charged out of his shack to investigate, only to find no explanation for the noise within the village walls... EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. The cries intensified. Directly every soul within the village was looking for the origin of the squalling...did Frank's cat have hemorrhoids again, did Dorlando and Beat tip the outhouse again, just as Knute's prarie dogs escaped their anal prison (no nasty thoughts prarie dogging is when your little poopy guys keep sticking their heads out warning you that its time to go NAOW!!!) The villagers were perplexed!!!
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA, it began to draw nearer. Running towards the pitiful sound the villagers gathered at the fiefs border. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. In the distance they recognized old man Huseby dragging two large figures behind his sleigh. Yes he was a different old coot, but even for him this was unusual. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. As the sounds got closer the villagers were able to make out the soiled figure of their beloved Rouncey. They were overjoyed at the sight of her long dark mane, but were puzzled by her sudden growth of five more legs...and that noise, EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA, could their beloved Rouncey make such a hideous sound? Closer inspection yielded the truth of the matter. Locked in loves warm embrace was their Rouncey and a "jjjjaaa jjaaaa jjjaaaaccckkaasssss!!!!!" They could barely utter the word.
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA Jackass howled. Old Grandma Rectalharm shouted above the wailing crowd. "COLD WATER, THROW SOME COLD WATER ON IT!!! COLD WATER NOW!!!! OH MY GOD IT’S HUGE! KILL IT!!! STOMP IT!!! SAVE ROUNCEY!!! CUT IT OFF!!! In the confusion that ensued Jeremiah Roughcut laboriously chopped at Jackass's offending part. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA, Jackass screamed. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA; his cries bringing in the steppe nomads just as Jeremiah Roughcut made the last chop. A chop that freed both Jackass and Rouncey from Jackass's offending part.
The nomads became very angered that their jackass's famous appendage had been so mercilessly hacked away. They demanded it back and compensation. The Vezinians refused to pay compensation or return the prized appendage. A fist fight broke out among the nomads and the Vezinians...................................
A FIST FIGHT YOU ARE INVITED TO HELP RE-ENACT ON THE NA STRATEGUS SERVER.
RULES ARE:
NO WEAPONS MAY BE SELECTED...THIS BEGINS AS A FIST FIGHT.
NOMADS HAVE 36 FIGHTERS AND NOMAD ARMOR ONLY (better armor terrible numbers.)
VEZINIANS HAVE OVER 252FIGHTERS WITH TUNIC AND PEASANT DRESSES ONLY (armor is poor but #'s are on their side.)
Help fight for the return of Jackass's treasure or the Vezinians' right to retain the offending part (namely Grandma Rectalharm who immediatly took the appendage into protective custody.)
Hopefully this will be a series of progressive fights...from a fist fight to start it all, to a rock throwing contest across the waters, to an all out pitchfork peasant match, and, with time on our side, an epic armored knight battle.
STAY TUNED I'M SURE THIS ESCALATES!!!!!!!!!!
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Fucking hillbillies.
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lol join us my friend...it should be fun, maybe slow; but fun. I'm going to run around punching everybody in the back or the head while Arys and the others beat them with lutefish.
Quickly someone with power ask chadz to add a lutefish weapon.
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Nomadz reprezent!
"Return the offending part, you cow tipping peasants!"
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visitors can't see pics , please register or login
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TL;DR
Massive Strategus Fist Fight
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I feel if I was to post a tl;dr gif, the joke would kinda be on me
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I feel the realization slowly settling innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
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EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECROS. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUT LOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY HIGHSCHOOL AND ALL THEY CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JERKS. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNING.
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***NOTE: The theme battle is borked. The AI has control of the fief, and will use all means to crush our unarmed nomads. We will be trying this again in the near future, so show up then. In the meantime, sign up if you want to have swords shoved through your face.***
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^^ My apologies. I didn't know that independents may be listed as owners of a fief but are not allowed to defend the fief/s they own unless they are part of a clan.
My fault...the battle will happen as soon as we switch ownership to a clan (I created a clan for myself, but that didn't help so look for a battle with either the Free Peasants or the Hoplites as Vezin's owners :mrgreen: .)
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Lol that sucks about the independent fief thing...nice back story though.
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Lol that sucks about the independent fief thing...nice back story though.
I even gave you a cameo appearance :D
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Battle is back on tonight at 9:11 p.m. EST All are welcome; join us as we b@##@slap each other into unconsciousness 8-)
Nomads for the win
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkSe7ecP6BU
stupid peasants!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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None of this had to happen. All you had to do was put on the glasses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-MVMbm6c0k
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Old man Huseby the donkey herder will be there.
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Still a few minutes to get in on this and get your brawl on!
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Dino is ultimate boxer officially.
Nomads: 110 Peasents: 36
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I'm putting you down for a "greatest battle."
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Fucking hillbillies.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-KaiBdqRoU
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EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECROS. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUT LOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY HIGHSCHOOL AND ALL THEY CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JERKS. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNING.
First the OP, now this. This is one weird ass, if not hilarious read.
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Next episode: (More to the point, but sacrificing the entertaining story...nobody cares anyway right :wink: )
A fight looked imminent due to Grandma Rectalharm's refusal to return the severed appendage. Much hateful verbal battering took place as tempers flared on both sides. The nomads charged the only bridge into the village. Grandma Rectalharm set up a formidable fist wall along the edge of the bridge. Mandible charged the fist wall and then broke to the side in an effort to attack the peasants from the back. There was no strategy on his part, just stupidity; for he wanted to use his backhand.
The peasants misinterpreted this move as an attempt to rush Rouncey in her stall. The fist wall broke to pursue Mandible just as Turboflex crashed into it, leaving many a peasant unconscious. Turboflex was quickly followed by Dino, Anders, Rhalzo, and Spainard as the peasants were beat into an uncoordinated mob.
Charging out and then being forced to fall back to the bridge, the peasants once again formed a fist wall. Turboflex again crashed into this fist wall. Unbeknownst to him the fist wall was a trap; a trap which quickly turned into a kick circle, a very devastating kick circle of death.
As the battle raged many a peasant fell to the nomads, but not nearly enough. Soon the Nomads were forced to retreat. With the crunching sound of many broken teeth under their boots, the peasants quickly reclaimed the unconscious bodies of 112 of their neighbors. The nomads attempted to reclaim their 36 fallen brethren, but were repulsed. Rhalzo not hearing the call to retreat was left alone and quickly engulfed within a newly formed kick circle of death.
The nomads reluctantly returned to their encampment to consult their mage, Froyoyoyoyoyo the wizard. Froyoyoyoyoyo prepared a recipe to create a magical weapon. A weapon that when used would provide a screen to enable the nomads to recover their unconscious fallen.
And so the battle continues;
Nomads
Have Nomad Armor, Nomad Boots, Practice Daggers, Wooden Sticks (kind of rare; to simulate being found on the ground,) Stones (plentiful because battle is on a riverbank,) and smoke bombs.
Peasants
Have assorted peasant clothes, peasant knives, throwing knives (kitchen ware,) wooden sticks, stones, and a couple cleavers.
previous battles results were 6 nomads vs 11 peasants, w/Dino knocking out 38 peasants himself.......36 nomads were lost and 112 peasants beat down.