cRPG
Strategus => Diplomacy => Topic started by: mandible/splinteryourjaw on August 25, 2012, 03:36:03 am
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Once not long ago in a not too far away place there was a land ruled by Nobody. Many called this land Vezin, which in ancient litrotanganese means land of the beautiful horse.
It was named well, for within the borders there lived the most beautiful Rouncey horse that ever was to be. Her name: "Rouncey". The peasants of this ever so poor land cherished their beloved rouncey horse above all else. Their over-protective nature led to the rouncey horse developing a rebellious streak four and one half miles wide. One night, after being lovingly tucked into her stall by the ever doting peasants of Vezin, Rouncey got a wild hair up her @#! and snuck out the stall window. Once free of the confines of her stall, she quickly ran off into the moonlight. Rouncey's first taste of freedom proved exhilarating. She began to sneak out on almost a nightly basis. Her quest for new highs led her further and further from the protection of her warm stall.
As fate would have it, across the land there lived another beautiful equine, his name simply "Jackass." For his sexual prowess, he was renowned throughout the land and hailed as the lord daddy of all things Jackassish. Habitually roaming, and bedding down where-ever the hay was warm, Jackass was a gigolo. He came from a wandering tribe of steppe nomads and this suited his love 'em and leave 'em lifestyle.
It so happened that one day Jackass's people, being caught in a great windstorm, were blown to the edges of Rivacheg. There they came upon a small inlet known for its dense population of lutefish. Being nothing more than scavengers, the nomads decided to eat the raw lutefish. They soon became enamored with its odiferous properties. Unable to quite place their finger upon the reasons why, they couldn't help but think of Momma when a large lutefish was caught and skewered. This new land beside the inlet became Jackass's new home. Seeking to once again establish himself as the Lord and Creator of all things Jackassish, Jackass began to seek out worthy trophies.
By happenstance, one cold dark night Jackass discovered Rouncey galloping through a moonlit field of fly laden, rotting potatoes. Some say it was the lutefish, others the vile stench of the fermenting potatoes; regardless why, the two equines fell into the legs of each other. All night and for the remainder of the next week the two tried to untie the knot they had worked themselves into. Having no luck they fell into a coma as the smells of their surroundings chipped away their resolve to live.
Meanwhile, the poor citizens of Vezin searched far and near for their beloved Rouncey. All was in vain, until one dark and gloomy night a thunderous EEE-YYYAAAAAAAAA filled the air. Worried that his kid had fallen into the well again, the village elder rushed to his bedside. No, the boy was still asleep! EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. As the noise continued the nameless elder charged out of his shack to investigate, only to find no explanation for the noise within the village walls... EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. The cries intensified. Directly every soul within the village was looking for the origin of the squalling...did Frank's cat have hemorrhoids again, did Dorlando and Beat tip the outhouse again, just as Knute's prarie dogs escaped their anal prison (no nasty thoughts prarie dogging is when your little poopy guys keep sticking their heads out warning you that its time to go NAOW!!!) The villagers were perplexed!!!
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA, it began to draw nearer. Running towards the pitiful sound the villagers gathered at the fiefs border. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. In the distance they recognized old man Huseby dragging two large figures behind his sleigh. Yes he was a different old coot, but even for him this was unusual. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. As the sounds got closer the villagers were able to make out the soiled figure of their beloved Rouncey. They were overjoyed at the sight of her long dark mane, but were puzzled by her sudden growth of five more legs...and that noise, EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA, could their beloved Rouncey make such a hideous sound? Closer inspection yielded the truth of the matter. Locked in loves warm embrace was their Rouncey and a "jjjjaaa jjaaaa jjjaaaaccckkaasssss!!!!!" They could barely utter the word.
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA Jackass howled. Old Grandma Rectalharm shouted above the wailing crowd. "COLD WATER, THROW SOME COLD WATER ON IT!!! COLD WATER NOW!!!! OH MY GOD IT’S HUGE! KILL IT!!! STOMP IT!!! SAVE ROUNCEY!!! CUT IT OFF!!! In the confusion that ensued Jeremiah Roughcut laboriously chopped at Jackass's offending part. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA, Jackass screamed. EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA; his cries bringing in the steppe nomads just as Jeremiah Roughcut made the last chop. A chop that freed both Jackass and Rouncey from Jackass's offending part.
The nomads became very angered that their jackass's famous appendage had been so mercilessly hacked away. They demanded it back and compensation. The Vezinians refused to pay compensation or return the prized appendage. A fist fight broke out among the nomads and the Vezinians...................................
A FIST FIGHT YOU ARE INVITED TO HELP RE-ENACT ON THE NA STRATEGUS SERVER.
RULES ARE:
NO WEAPONS MAY BE SELECTED...THIS BEGINS AS A FIST FIGHT.
NOMADS HAVE 36 FIGHTERS AND NOMAD ARMOR ONLY (better armor terrible numbers.)
VEZINIANS HAVE OVER 252FIGHTERS WITH TUNIC AND PEASANT DRESSES ONLY (armor is poor but #'s are on their side.)
Help fight for the return of Jackass's treasure or the Vezinians' right to retain the offending part (namely Grandma Rectalharm who immediatly took the appendage into protective custody.)
Hopefully this will be a series of progressive fights...from a fist fight to start it all, to a rock throwing contest across the waters, to an all out pitchfork peasant match, and, with time on our side, an epic armored knight battle.
STAY TUNED I'M SURE THIS ESCALATES!!!!!!!!!!
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What
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What
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Fantastic tale; would read again.
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Basically we are going to stone each other to death. Shall be fun.
Time to respec to a power thrower.
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EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAAEEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
What is this noise?
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Quote from: KaMiKaZe_JoE on August 24, 2012, 09:15:29 pm
What
Huh????
Dang nomads don't understand litrotanganese :D
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EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAAEEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
EEE-YYYAAAAAAAA, EEE-YYYAAAAAA
This will be the battle cry of the nomads as we sweep into Vezin to punch every man, woman, and peasant in the face.
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***NOTE: The theme battle is borked. The AI has control of the fief, and will use all means to crush our unarmed nomads. We will be trying this again in the near future, so show up then. In the meantime, sign up if you want to have swords shoved through your face.***
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The battle is back on for tomorrow night. Sign up for the pummeling of a lifetime!
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Battle is back on tonight at 9:11 p.m. EST All are welcome; join us as we b@##@slap each other into unconsciousness 8-)
Nomads for the win
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkSe7ecP6BU
stupid peasants!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It's on like Donkey Kong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np_5BHmaSI4
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Come on and join this battle. I promise the punches won't hurt. Much.
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TLDR
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FUn times. Wuts the next step? Shivs?
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The clue is:
*whispers* "biblical punishment."
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FUn times. Wuts the next step? Shivs?
I had fun, until I was the last one alive and got circle kicked to death (still fun).
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I tried to help, but I was too busy retreating all troops from the fist wall onslaught...left you to face the "kick circle of death" all alone :mrgreen:
Trying to figure out the direction now...next battle just fists and stones, just stones with no one allowed to cross the river, stones and a few magical smoke bombs..........
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Lets do stones, smokebombs and maybe....shivs(?)(wooden practice daggers)
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10,000 men shall die for each exclamation point used.
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Next episode: (More to the point, but sacrificing the entertaining story...nobody cares anyway right :wink: )
A fight looked imminent due to Grandma Rectalharm's refusal to return the severed appendage. Much hateful verbal battering took place as tempers flared on both sides. The nomads charged the only bridge into the village. Grandma Rectalharm set up a formidable fist wall along the edge of the bridge. Mandible charged the fist wall and then broke to the side in an effort to attack the peasants from the back. There was no strategy on his part, just stupidity; for he wanted to use his backhand.
The peasants misinterpreted this move as an attempt to rush Rouncey in her stall. The fist wall broke to pursue Mandible just as Turboflex crashed into it, leaving many a peasant unconscious. Turboflex was quickly followed by Dino, Anders, Rhalzo, and Spainard as the peasants were beat into an uncoordinated mob.
Charging out and then being forced to fall back to the bridge, the peasants once again formed a fist wall. Turboflex again crashed into this fist wall. Unbeknownst to him the fist wall was a trap; a trap which quickly turned into a kick circle, a very devastating kick circle of death.
As the battle raged many a peasant fell to the nomads, but not nearly enough. Soon the Nomads were forced to retreat. With the crunching sound of many broken teeth under their boots, the peasants quickly reclaimed the unconscious bodies of 112 of their neighbors. The nomads attempted to reclaim their 36 fallen brethren, but were repulsed. Rhalzo not hearing the call to retreat was left alone and quickly engulfed within a newly formed kick circle of death.
The nomads reluctantly returned to their encampment to consult their mage, Froyoyoyoyoyo the wizard. Froyoyoyoyoyo prepared a recipe to create a magical weapon. A weapon that when used would provide a screen to enable the nomads to recover their unconscious fallen.
And so the battle continues;
Nomads
Have Nomad Armor, Nomad Boots, Practice Daggers, Wooden Sticks (kind of rare; to simulate being found on the ground,) Stones (plentiful because battle is on a riverbank,) and smoke bombs.
Peasants
Have assorted peasant clothes, peasant knives, throwing knives (kitchen ware,) wooden sticks, stones, and a couple cleavers.
previous battles results were 6 nomads vs 11 peasants, w/Dino knocking out 38 peasants himself.......36 nomads were lost and 112 peasants beat down.