cRPG
Off Topic => General Off Topic => Topic started by: POOPHAMMER on August 13, 2012, 09:34:16 am
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I sorry that english is not academic enough for you, as i am france.
I know my girlfriend for 1 ½ years. We met on the internet and this weekend was the worst of my life. The best day of my life has ended in failure and a total humiliation unparalleled on our planet.
So after a year and a half distance relationship she convinced her parents to let me come to her house in Saint Genis les Ollières in his hometown, his family home.
Let the details, his grandparents, his father, his mother and siblings live in this big barracks.
So I get a few miles from hometown, I met my girlfriend, kissing (first time in my life that I embrace), dinner with parents and seniors to whom I am the guy seriously.
A little later, my girlfriend told me to go with it. It does not preach that good.
We go into her room, she told me not to make noise. Everyone is asleep so we'll make it in silence. I shed a tear quietly, my first time at last ...
We go upstairs in his room, it rolls shovels. Yum ...
When suddenly, a pain in the belly ... Unimaginable pain. I really had to go to the bathroom for very very large commission.
My girlfriend told me that I grew pale, I stood frozen. The slightest movement could cost me dearly, dearly.
I was stuck ...
I ask my friend where are the toilets.
Small clarification: we are on the floor of what was an old barn. The walls are cardboard (cons plated) and the piping is something that the plumber has crafted the village to removal. Plated cons ... I think you guessed what the problem is: We keep hearing there is no insulation.
And then I could no longer hold as a mad bull rushes toward the toilet, I close the door key. I say: - Never mind the noises I can not go!
Then I released my abs, forced on the ass so hard you immaginez not. So hard that I nearly fainted. My sight is troubled, I forced as much as Goku Goku to transform into 3, I felt my veins ... And despite my best efforts, nothing came out. I did not understand. Monumental shits and nothing comes.
I caught my breath, I forced again, but nothing came out, I'm so forced that I had a stomach ache of madness I thought an alien was going out of my womb.
But nothing worked. Good past pain I was going up the bowl when suddenly my ass opened 10 times its diameter as the tail of Cell when it absorbs a Cyborg, and under a deafening noise, poured out a torrent of mud at the bottom shitter.
It was delayed, I contracted my muscles anal intercourse ("anal" in the plural) and it was after the Big Bang happened.
I tried to hold the line against this gargantuan pressure but it was not easy because of what came next ...
Hell! A deluge, a veritable geyser of shit It does not stop I did not understand. I emptied intestinalement. It lasted a good 30 seconds between pets so crappy movies creampies balls and brown waste creams I expulsais.
I felt like a titanic size of a cucumber out of my rectal paroies to infinity ...
I began to tremble before the unknown power.
I heard the family members to my girlfriend woke up believing the thief. While I was trying to evict a torpedo, the mother asked me out the door if I wanted cardboard called SOS Doctor. I said while trying not to let me hear among my bowel sounds deafening.
Silence.
Total silence, I thought that I be released when the stomach pains returned with even more beautiful a double jet of hot and spicy shit out of my asshole. Incredibly, the stream seemed limitless.
2 minutes non-stop! I wondered where I had to have stashed all that. It is said that the intestine is 8 meters long, 8 meters are spent at home. It flowed so much that I knew more or if I pissed chiais at times. I look once, not two ... it was the pistachio nougat or the Ferrero Rocher. I looked away ...
And lasted nearly 45 minutes, between phases and stop action. I heard comments from grandparents, etc. ...
Rabies ...
I watched my belly. He returned, depressurization was created.
I pulled it from hunting rechargais.
Done? ... Not yet, and no end. I swung the turds. I feel like the alien queen laying eggs a colony. I felt weak and even whiter than a woman having given birth. I had the feeling of having lost part of my body, an internal organ to be the trunk of discreetly.
The ordeal ended, four flushes to from it all, I'm back in the room to my girlfriend as pale as death.
I still have the asshole in cauliflower.
In an attempt to lighten the mood as I could see she was embarrassed, I told my girlfriend:
Okay, now you'll make me a rim job. I had a history of stroke PQ ... Now's your move.
She rejected me.
I told him that I said it for fun, for fun.
She re-released, she preferred to sleep.
Between looking ashamed of his family as soon as I left the toilet, between its rejection, it put me rabies.
I told him that I have not done half of France just to talk and hit me the shits in a cardboard house.
She told me that I was not the John with whom she Fulbert gab for over a year and asked if I took it for a whore.
Because it was dead, I tried everything on the following adage: The woman is like a shadow, you follow it flee, flee the it follows you. So I threw:
- If I had diarrhea whose fault?
Less than 5 minutes after I am deep in the asshole of the world: Outside ... With my big bag on his back, ass and balls full vacuum.
I went to a seedy hotel at 45 euros (expensive for this shit) and I masturbate like a virgin in the bathroom until 7:00 am the bus there.
Fin.
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Please award this man the Pulitzer
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I couldn't even fucking understand that. You regularly refer to your girlfriend as "his".
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This is appropriate
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What is this I don't even?
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I am adapting this to a screenplay as we speak and will be submitting it to the Cannes Film Festival. It is like the Annie Hall of the 21st century.
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Jackiechanmeme.jpg
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Dude you gave me the laugh of the day, +1
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Fifty shades of brown.
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You must be writing sitcoms.
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Was not expecting that.
10 out of 10 for a damn good unintelligible wtf read.
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B-
Doesn't even sound like a native speaker.
Enjoyed nonetheless.
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So... your girlfriend is a boy? A boy?? :shock:
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I was laughing and almost pooped my pants because of it..
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I have to admit. I loled :rolleyes:
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lmao
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lmao
Kafein U no muted anymoers! Party time!
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Kafein U no muted anymoers! Party time!
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Are we spamming now?! Hell yea!
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Are we spamming now?! Hell yea!
I am in! :)
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A++++ Post. 10/10. Would Read Again.
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