cRPG

Strategus => Diplomacy => Topic started by: Bryggan on July 19, 2014, 07:53:07 pm

Title: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Bryggan on July 19, 2014, 07:53:07 pm

Due to having more than two members in 13 Knights, Dirk and I have decided that the responsibilities were too much for just the two of us, so we added a new leader.
Long winded RP:

(click to show/hide)

Jack1_*  stood in the heat, dressed in full milanese grasping his trusty two hander.  He circled slowly, carefully, then raised his weapon into the ochs position.  He paused briefly, then with a mighty yell he lunged.

"By god, he did it!" Dirk cried.

"Perfectly executed," said Bryggan, "let us go congratulate him." They walked to the centre of the courtyard, where Jack1_ stood next to  a large wooden target with a donkey painted on it.  His sword, with a tail attached to its tip, was embedded deeply into the donkey's ass.

"Congratulations sir, you have performed 11 of the 12 mighty tasks in order to attain leadership," Bryggan said.

"You know," Jack1_ replied, "it would have been a lot harder if you had made me wear a blindfold or something."

"Never mind!" snapped Bryggan, "The Twelve Tasks are designed to prove a man's worthiness to lead the 13 Knights.  Some will be easier and some will be harder depending on the individual."

"Yeah," Dirk added, "it took Bryggan hours to pin the tail on the donkey.  Kept right swinging instead of thrusting.  TWed about 8 bystanders until he finally got it."

"Shut up Dirk.  You took forever in the 'Helping the Sheep over the Fence' Task.  And when you were done you were just totally drenched in sweat."

"Oh, that," Dirk said, blushing a deep crimson, "well, I wanted to get it just right ya know".

"OK, Jack1_, are you ready for the last task?  It is the Task of Immense Wisdom."

"I am," Jack answered.

"Ok, there is a barrel containing 100 litres of ale.  Dirk drinks 3.47 litres and I drink 3.67 litres, then my squire Kev drinks an additional 8.43 litres.  We then decide to go to the brothel with our ale.  Our donkey can carry 100 kilograms of weight.  We decide to take some meat pies with us, which each weigh 500 grams.  How many meat pies can we load on our donkey?"

"Wait, that's not fair," Jack said, "that's metric!"

"Not my fault your stupid country won't join the modern world," Bryggan laughed.

The bar mace appeared out of nowhere, and Jack1_ swung it at Bryggan's head.  Bryggan downblocked for some stupid reason, and the mace connected with his head, dropping him.

Three hours later he came to.  "Whoa, what happend?  I think I got concussed.  Lost my short term memory.  Did Jack1_ pass the last test?"

"Sure", Dirk answered.

*The _ is pronounced like a guttural 'kuh'

Now that Jack1_ is a new leader in the 13K, we have decided to drop 'DiKKASS' and our faction will become simply the '13 Knights'.  As a new faction we drop all our old allegiances and enmities, and claim total neutrality in strat.  13 Knights are now a totally disinterested franchise, as shit posting and bitching and whining and crying and threatening and shit posting again and down-voting and screaming and hating and trolling and angrifying is just not our thing.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Switchtense on July 19, 2014, 07:55:28 pm

The 3 13 knights. Classic.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Dirkdi on July 20, 2014, 02:54:47 am

Quote from: Switchtense on July 19, 2014, 07:55:28 pm

The 3 13 knights. Classic.

Just need one more right? 1 + 3 = 13.  As official Math Wizard of the Thirteen Knights, I'm pretty confident of it.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Bryggan on July 20, 2014, 06:12:24 am

Never had time for that math thingy.  I just know 1h<2h<cavalry<polearms<range<1h.  What moar do you knead?

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Noodlenrice on July 20, 2014, 10:21:18 am

Such importance many wow

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Bryggan on July 20, 2014, 11:00:33 am

Quote from: Noodlenrice on July 20, 2014, 10:21:18 am

Such importance many wow

I know, right?  I'm thinking people are freaking out, jumping out of buildings, running out to live in the woods.  All because of what we did.  Not the loss of our involvement in Strat (which was negligible- I myself only commanded 11 battles and am just 9th on the hero list, whereas a mighty guy like Noodles must just be kicking ass).  No, the idea of people just having fun in Strat, building armies just to see them eventually destroyed in hopefully epic battles is too shocking for most people to handle.

But of course we appreciate the strategy part of Strat.  Rather than just attack random people that piss us off, we will fight for only pure mercenary reasons.  As in gold.  No love, no hate, just pure, unadulterated greed.  Once I have a half ass army, I will sell it to the highest bidder, and believe you me, I will do my damnedest to cause the most damage I can.

I fight for one thing only, to engorge my e-peen.  So whether you love or hate me, pay me for my army and I'll be your bitch.  Until the contract runs out of course.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: ildist on July 21, 2014, 12:43:12 am

Okay, this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, because that's not my problem.

So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?". Next thing you know she's calling.

"I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?"

"Geez, I dunno; me and Clyde were going to go to monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks). In fact, the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in. Oh well, you know my number so don't be a stra-- Hey, look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making Mojitoes."

At this point, the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind, you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it's your life. But if you're a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You're IM-ing. You're talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You're one big Brady Bunch.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Dirkdi on July 21, 2014, 05:25:50 am

Quote from: Arcuyus on July 21, 2014, 12:43:12 am

Okay, this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, because that's not my problem.

So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?". Next thing you know she's calling.

"I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?"

"Geez, I dunno; me and Clyde were going to go to monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks). In fact, the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in. Oh well, you know my number so don't be a stra-- Hey, look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making Mojitoes."

At this point, the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind, you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it's your life. But if you're a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You're IM-ing. You're talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You're one big Brady Bunch.

What if your orangutan is twenty seven cats and named loneliness, (this is all theoretical of course).  What do you do then?  A friend of mine wants to know.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Joseph Porta on July 21, 2014, 04:11:32 pm

You shouldve called thyself the 20 knights, consisting of 4 knights.

#

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Jack1 on July 21, 2014, 04:43:36 pm

feel free to hire us glorious 13(4) knights for your strategus battles as mercenary support or hire our armies in strategus. We have one of the better KDR's as a faction in strategus.

my mercenary e-peen from last strategus.

(click to show/hide)

visitors can't see pics , please register or login

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Jack1 on August 07, 2014, 04:18:34 am

Roleplay:

(click to show/hide)

Warning: this is a picture book roleplay.

All of the 13k school kids were laying around in the hallway waiting for school to start.

visitors can't see pics , please register or login


They were all upset that they couldn't buy their favorite slushies(banner) before school(c-rpg).

visitors can't see pics , please register or login


They went to their parents earlier for money. The parents said "NO!".

visitors can't see pics , please register or login


So they decided that they would beg for money and offer "services".

visitors can't see pics , please register or login


That's the best I got. But the stick on auctions to get our merc contract. It's better explained in the merc recruitment thread.

TD:LR

(click to show/hide)

there is a new 13k hireling thread in mercinary recruitment. A contract for our mercinary support is also on the auction place.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: MURDERTRON on August 07, 2014, 05:57:21 am

Does it cost more or less to just hire Jack?  Can I pay to have the other guys sign up for the other side?

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Bryggan on August 07, 2014, 06:20:31 am

Of course!  We'll do anything for money.  It will cost extra though.

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: WITCHCRAFT on August 07, 2014, 06:56:06 am

Quote from: MURDERTRON on August 07, 2014, 05:57:21 am

Does it cost more or less to just hire Jack?  Can I pay to have the other guys sign up for the other side?

!!!

visitors can't see pics , please register or login

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Dirkdi on August 07, 2014, 07:52:37 am

Quote from: MURDERTRON on August 07, 2014, 05:57:21 am

Does it cost more or less to just hire Jack?  Can I pay to have the other guys sign up for the other side?

Sure we'll sign up against you for your fief transfers.  For the right price of course!

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Jack1 on August 29, 2014, 06:19:59 pm

on the night of Friday the 13th Jack1 crept into the house of lord bryggan the magnificent. he slowly but surely crept through his house to search for what he was looking for. he searched though piles of beer cans. he searched though dusty bottles of shampoo. he searched everywhere until he finally laid his eyes upon exactly what he was looking for, bryggan's childhood short bow. jack quickly snatched it and ran out stepping on as many of the sleeping soldiers as he could just to toughen them up for a battle or be a dick. whatever makes your RP better. soon enough he got all the way to the ichmer town square and realized that there were only a bunch of yoshis everywhere. Jack was unsure about how it would work out but he kept with his plan. he quickly put the short bow up for auction and put in the promise that bryggan would sacrifice his whole army just to get it back.

TDLR:

we're selling a 1500 man army now.

contract descriptions: http://forum.melee.org/mercenary-recruitment/13k-strategus-mercenary-contracts/msg1052190/#msg1052190

auction: http://c-rpg.net/?page=marketplaceauction&id=8131

Title: Re: 13 Knights Faction.
Post by: Bryggan on August 30, 2014, 06:44:31 am

Dude, where's my bow?

Damn, I loved that bow:(  And yes, I will trade both mine and my army's services for that bow.  But there are a few provisos attached.  First of all, Jack was a little hasty.  I still have shitloads of goods to sell, plus some items I need to buy.  I am not 100% sure I can get that done in 4 days.  But, for you, I will do my damndest.

Also, a few rules:

(click to show/hide)

Rule #1:   THERE ARE NO RULES!!!!!!
Rule #2:   Actually, there are a few rules.
Rule #3:   I move my men and gear, and I attack with my men and gear.  Don't be thinking I'll transfer anything ever.  I want that renown!   That precious, precious renown; so soft, so sexy, so grrrRRRAGGGHHRorw!!!
Rule #4:   I will reinforce if its an absolute emergency.  I mean, I can't watch a comrade die.  Even if I hate him like I hate my current comrades (Sorry Jack and Dirk, but you know..).
Rule #5:   Anything sexual must be consensual.
Rule #6:   There are a few more rules yet.
Rule #7:   Haven't figured out the length of the contract.  As I said earlier, this is a little premature.  Probably a month?  If my army gets destroyed early on, I will continue to do what I can to help your faction until the contract runs out.  I suppose there will be huge discounts to renewing the contract... especially if we exchange troops or gear... um, we'll figure it out.  I ain't greedy.*
Rule #8:   Must have blood!!!!
Rule #9:   Will attack anyone anywhere, but, like a true mercenary, will not attack when there is a 100% chance of failure.
Rule #10: I will attack if there is a 75% chance of failure (or at least a 25% chance of success).  Cuz sometimes you gotta take crazy risks.
Rule #11: No outside food.
Rule #12: I can work in concert with others, or act independently.
Rule #13:  Not really a rule, but I am watching and able to move my army 24-7.  By which I mean about 15-7.  Guy's gotta sleep too you know.

So there it is.  If you disagree with these terms, but you already are the highest bidder, I say, "HAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!!!"

*After some intense discussion, we decided the contract will last as long as my army does.  Be assured I will not hold back, but will attack and kill and slaughter and destroy and burn and pillage and kill some more and engage and hunt and decimate and murder and despoil and tear and rip and bite and claw and ravage and hurt and annoy to the best of my abilities.

In effect, I will fight my damndest for you; and as anyone who knows me will tell you, I won't hold back.