Author Topic: The Rise of Catamitus  (Read 924 times)

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Offline Ikarus

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The Rise of Catamitus
« on: June 20, 2016, 01:41:35 am »
In the past five years, I´ve never seriously played the singleplayer campaign of Warband, so I tried it.

After conquering half of the map, I found out that you can´t simply become king of an existing faction. Instead, you´ll have to make one on your own. This calls for a major buttfuckery of the kingdom of Vaegirs which I´ve literally raised myself.

After a short questionnaire on a infamous image board, the name for this analiation-centered faction is clear: Catamitus.
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First plan now is to buy all the butter of Caladria so they can´t prepare their sweet rectums. Then I´ll enslave all the southern factions (since that´s what my white skin commands me) and use those black big schlongs to make the Vaegir empire fall. And then bend over.

Map before Total Catamitation
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Offline Casul

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Re: The Rise of Catamitus
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2016, 01:57:07 am »
First plan now is to buy all the butter of Caladria so they can´t prepare their sweet rectums.

lost it
Maybe if Coronoa virus gets rid of 50 percent or more of the world population we can do without a pope and religion.

Offline Bittersteel

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Re: The Rise of Catamitus
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2016, 02:14:59 am »

Offline Ikarus

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Re: The Rise of Catamitus
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2016, 10:18:57 am »
Jelkala shall be the anchor of my quest

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Offline IR_Kuoin

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Re: The Rise of Catamitus
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2016, 11:04:38 am »
love it
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Offline Ikarus

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Re: The Rise of Catamitus
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2016, 03:41:53 pm »
The empire is growing, the desert is fully catamiated!

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I now have the finest warriors of the south on my side, armed with the most advanced weaponry of their region
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The foolish Khergit and Rhodoks were no match for my phallic maul
(click to show/hide)

The winds are rising and a storm is surely coming soon. But for now, I will enforce my empire and visit villages to strengthen my bond to my people
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Offline Ikarus

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Re: The Rise of Catamitus
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2016, 03:30:26 am »
So, I got a letter lately from King Yarolek, he asked the following question:
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and I looked at the map
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and I looked at my royal butter stashes
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and I looked at my savegames
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and I said:
"King Yarolek, your reign is over. This land now belongs to Catamitus and no ass shall be left behind."
"You monster" he responded. "How did you manage to do that? I sent my soldiers to burn your villages, but they came back, mentally scarred and afraid, simply telling me over and over that the peasants were complaining that my soldiers raping was too "vanilla". What training did those peasants receive??"
"None." I answered, "but god is on their side, they pray a lot in the church of Catamitus."
(click to show/hide)

Yarolek remained silent. Then he said "Very well, you have won, King Rectum. I know I have caused you and your mean a lot of sorrow, but mellow your grudge and god will smile upon you."

And I said:
"God is smiling upon me, King Yarolek, so have no fear. No human being shall do your rear any harm. You have my promise, for I am Rectum, the King of Catamitus."

(click to show/hide)

The End
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Offline Taser

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Re: The Rise of Catamitus
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2016, 03:52:26 am »
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Congrats mang. May the reign of Catamitus be long and filled with asses.
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