Author Topic: The Surrender of Acre  (Read 5125 times)

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Offline UnholyRolyPoly

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #15 on: December 14, 2014, 12:06:07 am »
-4
You guys are fucking retarded. I'll crucify you all this life or the next.

Also that quote you have listed as mine was not in fact me :).

You guys should know that.  Everything James says.... has a hint of cock breath.  Please don't misquote the man unless you are going to say something totally gay and believable. 

Offline njames89

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #16 on: December 14, 2014, 12:08:50 am »
-1
lol you are straight out of 7th grade. You shouldn't let your hatred of me get to you so much :(

Offline Goretooth

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #17 on: December 14, 2014, 04:54:07 am »
+1
You guys should know that.  Everything James says.... has a hint of cock breath.  Please don't misquote the man unless you are going to say something totally gay and believable.
pathetic
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Offline CALAMARI

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #18 on: December 14, 2014, 06:25:21 am »
+4
lol you are straight out of 7th grade. You shouldn't let your hatred of me get to you so much :(

pathetic

You guys should know that.  Everything James says.... has a hint of cock breath.  Please don't misquote the man unless you are going to say something totally gay and believable.

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Offline Jack1

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #19 on: December 14, 2014, 07:00:47 pm »
+6
Never forget the greatest moment in c-rpg strat battle history.


The Life of Wilber.

On a cold Monday night on the date of 25/12/-27 john, the owner of the "horses with disabilities are born here" ranch, heard some stirring in the stables. Monica, one of the  horses that was expected to be giving birth soon,  was soon to give birth. Being that it was a Monday John was a tad bit pissed and didn't want to deal with that shit at the moment so he cut Monica's throat and went back to bed. Little did john know that wilber was waiting to see the light of night for the first time.

Next door there was a vergin giving birth to a son, angels were all around her waiting and saying "Yo dis nig gon pop out or I'm gon go back to god and tell him the kids got no arms or sumthin. You know god aint gon want a kid wit no Fukien arms, how he gon break da fukin bread?". This made the vergin named Mary get very upset. She was so upset that the baby ran out from it being too scary in there. Pretty soon the baby was doing shots and bowls with the angels. The group ran out of the proper ingredients and had to find something else to do.

The baby, named Hay Seuss, looked over his shoulder, still covered in dried birthing liquids, to find a dead whorse, which had been cut by the throat, and thought "hey, what if we cut that thing open and looked at what's inside?" The angels, still being fucked up, said ok. One of the angels pulled out his switch blade and "cut dat bitch open". As soon as the skin was pierced out piped Wilber, happy to see the light of day.

The baby Hay Seuss looked at Wilber and said "wit da fook is up wit dis tings leg?"

Wilber replied with "you assholes can't even speak proper English, go learn a shit load of big words from canaries." Wilber then rode off into the wind with his legs that were 1/2 as large as a normal whoreses legs would be.

Three hard years later Wilber had gone through hard jobs such as plowing fields and letting little girls ride him around at the local carnival.

Wilber's new friend, randy, brought up a new idea to Wilber. "What do you think about joining the army and traveling all over the place to meet new people and kill bitches?" Wilber never really liked the army that much but he wasn't just going to leave his only friend to go off and die in a war without him.

The two went to the dracul recruiting station about one week later.

the two walked into the dracul recruiting station and were eagerly greeted by some large feline wearing tight leather pants that clearly outlined what lied within. The animal gave Wilber and randy two nice drink. They drank it an blacked out.

Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not. Filler about basic training, raping by Larry and what not.

The day after basic training

The day had finally arrived, Wilber was going to be paired with his rider. All that was left was who the announcer called out as his rider.

Raina the battle whorse, you get paired with the battalion commander, artym.
Randy......Sanderson
Bonx.... Jack1
Opium.....hungry n broke
Wilber...cup457

A loud "THE FUCK?!?!?!" Was heard in the crowd and all the whorses looked at Wilber. Wilber, thinking fast, quickly said "could this be any better?". Everybody looked back at the announcer and the ceremony continued as normal.

As time went on Wilber and cup 457 were forced to bond together and get to know each other's moves before they are exicuted. While they bonded the two made up some nicknames for each other, cup457 would call Wilber "horsey worsey" while Wilber would call cup457 "fucking retard".

The news came to the pair while they were on the can. "We will be attacking WFA and leaving in two minutes"

Cup was exited that he finally got to kill some people while Wilber knew that there is a chance he was going to die.

Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.Long part about meeting up with randy, walking, getting fucked by Larry and a little more walking.

The day were Wilber's battalion was to attack singe he had arrived. Artym and riana expected to get "beaten" heh quite well in the adult and only hoped for the best.

The sound of an ejaculation was made and all of the battalion prepped themselves to attack, each horse found his friend and each rider grabbed other rider's erections. The second ejaculation souls was made and all of the riders started stroking each other off. As soon as the rider had his release he charged. Sanderson was off first, than hungrynbroke, followed by many others. As time went on there was a problem that was discovered, cup457 just couldn't get it off.

Wilber watched as his battalion charged onto the enemy more valiantly than anything he had ever seen. Soon there was something that caught Wilber's eyes, he had seen the sharp arrow land into the temple of Randy's head. Wilber could not believe how fast randy had died. And saw that on the arrow had the name "Gwen"

Something woke Wilber out of the shock he had been put into, it was seamen hitting his mane. Soon Wilber and cup457 were off, but, for some reason cup decided to go up some ladders that led from the ground to a tower and then to a keep. While the two were trotting along waiting for some petty infanty to hurry up. At the moment cup had been eating some CUPcakes and an arrow had entered his toenail. Cup said "what the hell. I don't want to run all the way from spawn again" then fell off Wilber and down to his death on the castle floor. Followed by a ceremonial "get fucked nerd" by this fat goblin just standing around.

Wilber had no choice but to continue his journey to the top of the keep were he watched his friends get ripped apart by people with "WFA" tattooed on their foreheads. It was horrible.

Soon wilber looked over to see jack1 being his strong,  handsome, usual self standing there weeping about his respawn timer because of ranged.

Jack1 was about to suicide jump off of the keep untill Wilber cought him, looked at him and said "we will get them back"

Jack1 quickly mounted Wilber and went to one end of the keep. Wilber looked at jack and knew that he could trust jack to do his part if Wilber did his. Wilber went as fast as he could with his midget legs strait off a ladder. He landed and broke his legs on top of a gate house with WFA mercs standing all around with bows and arrows wondering what the hell just happened. Jack1 quickly broke the enemy weapon rack and was pelted with arrows. All that jack could hear was artym saying "what the hell was that". Jack just whispered it was worth it, but really, fuck ranged. The two died on top of that gatehouse with pride in their hearts and arrows in their chest.
 

And So Ends the Life of Wilber
Confuckin grats if you managed to read all that.

We're all nerds here, so it doesn't really matter.

Offline Switchtense

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #20 on: December 14, 2014, 11:22:48 pm »
0
(click to show/hide)

How long did it take to write that :o
For all the non-believers, look no further than this thread for proof that while strat battles are won/lost in NA3/EU3, strat wars are won and lost on the forums.
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Offline Taser

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #21 on: December 15, 2014, 03:00:18 am »
+3
(click to show/hide)


I read it all. I have not the slightest why but.. I think I expected it to be funny.
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Offline Artyem

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #22 on: December 15, 2014, 03:18:43 am »
+1
10/10 brought a tear to my eye
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Sordida asinum latronibus sumus

Offline Sharpe

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #23 on: December 15, 2014, 03:25:25 am »
+1
#Remember WFA Archer Defense
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“I like the cover," he said. "Don't Panic. It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day.”

Offline ArysOakheart

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #24 on: December 15, 2014, 09:20:38 am »
+1
Jayrod is a dirty low ping sober motherfucker.
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Offline Jack1

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #25 on: December 15, 2014, 12:20:38 pm »
0
#Remember WFA Archer Defense

#cut4WFAranged
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Offline WITCHCRAFT

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #26 on: December 15, 2014, 04:15:18 pm »
+3
a hint of cock breath [...] totally gay

yeah well uh you eat poop for breakfast and have poo breath

and ur mom likes weiners

i am 12 years old
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irl something shorted on the shuttle and laika overheated and died within a few hours of liftoff and for a brief while one could look up to the stars and see a light shooting across the sky that was actually a warm dog corpse slingshoting about the earth at thousands of miles per hour which was arguably humanity's greatest achievement so far

Offline Bronto

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #27 on: December 15, 2014, 05:53:11 pm »
+2
yeah well uh you eat poop for breakfast and have poo breath

and ur mom likes weiners

i am 12 years old

yeah well my dad could beat up your dad.

Offline UnholyRolyPoly

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2014, 04:03:08 am »
0
lol you are straight out of 7th grade. You shouldn't let your hatred of me get to you so much :(

Actually...  I don't hate you.   I just don't respect you in any way shape or form.  First.... you tried to play mind games in strat.  Second... you weren't nearly smart enough to do so.  Third... you whine like a bitch. 

Just remember James..... almost every bad thing that happened to you in strat.... had something to do with me....

BTW you're a shitty battle commander. 

Offline njames89

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Re: The Surrender of Acre
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2014, 04:18:49 am »
-1
 :lol: I'm sorry you let it get to your head unholy. I am glad that you are showing your true self though.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2014, 04:25:54 am by njames89 »