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Topics - Malaclypse

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1
Global / Globally banned, main char gone.
« on: January 21, 2017, 03:36:15 am »
I appear to be globally banned. Main character is gone. Would be cool to know why/what happened with people playing a bit again.

2
Diplomacy / A tale of one and a half Dwarves
« on: March 31, 2016, 01:52:34 pm »
Urist Dongfist- so named at birth for the deformity of his right hand, which was, in fact, a dong, but also kind of firm like a fist at the tip even when flaccid- the pretty much retarded and malformed bastard child of the legendary alcoholic Dwarven bandit Hrhalzo Strongshaft

(who once, during a round of D&D who once awoke to an ambush on his camp in the night and who, with a mighty toss of his spear, killed a Wvyern, mutilating it, and then went on to kill a second Wvyern by throwing the corpse of a mutilated Wvyern at it, wounding the Wveryn, lodging the corpse of the mutilated Wvyern in the wound and causing the Wvyern to bleed heavily unto death) *may not have actually occured in this way

and a common, nameless, GOBBLIN whore

(who once serviced the entire royal host of the REALM OF THE GOBBLIN KING in a single evening)


awoke in the first hints of sunrise at the encampment of his caravan to find out he was still quite drunk from the campfire revelries of the night before. Penitents tent was already down, his men milling about, and he had been going at the mead far, FAR harder than Urist!

"It's this damn GOBBLIN blood," Urist thought, "two, three pints is all I've got in me, thanks a lot mom go home Obama". He scratched at the scraggly wisp of a beard on his face; his lack of hirsuteness, extremely rare among full-blooded dwarves, was another "gift" inherited from his mother's side of the family.

Not like his father and his band of H-hair-hairy h-h-hunks, not like any of the Dwarves who are now his companions in that way, no. Though his companions they are, and they have taken them into their fold- without harsh judgement (though plenty of friendly bants!) for his half-breed nature nor his fist *ahem* problem- following the dissolution of the REALM and his loss of a job as royal honeydipper in the keep of the late GREATLEADER, Glob rest his soul. The Dwarves recognize kinship, however distant.

Anyhow, Urist Dongfist crouched down and just crapped right where he was standing because he's pretty much as smart as a seven year old or a crow or something and is also still pretty inebriated as you'll recall. "I think.. is that?" he wonders, "it is!" he thinks as the messenger raven bears down on his turgid dongfist with the full force of its talons, causing him to do a reliably bad-lowbrow-joke-that's-kind-of-funny-in-that-bad-lowbrow-joke way pratfall into his own feces, probably face first and also his mouth is open because he was screaming, "THIS PECKER HAS MY COOOOOOOOOOOOCK! THIS PECKER HAS MY CAAAWWKWHARRGARBLL!"

With as much dignity as a what we can call a man for these purposes can in a situation like this, Urist stands up and swallows his pride and also the crap in his mouth (licking his lips), removes the scroll from the ravens leg, and, after drying it off of the seminal fluid leftover from the natural response of his malformed appendage to such vigorous and repetitive attacks, read aloud,

"aryajkdf tffdf kaelkf ngjer kill"- he can't read much of course, but makes out the name "arya" and a familiar word he knows "kill", along with a crude map depicting the position of an enemy force, his own and... that of his father Hrhalzo and his hardy harem of Hairy Hunks!? Urist may be an idiot but he puts two and two together here, he knows his old man is always game for a bit of opportunistic banditry (provided there's mead and weed in it for him), he knows he's in no condition to do the deed himself with his ragged crew, he barely is when he's at his best. He drunkely scrawls the idiosyncratic language only he and his pa write in and sends out the raven. He knows his father will answer the call. And he knows if his father calls upon him, he'll answer it as well; family is bond amongst the Dwarves.

Will YOU joinusatthisungodlyhourwhenwebothgetoffwork?


















I'm sorry everyone this was absolutely foul I want Uumdi to see it lol

3
Sell/Trade / Heraldic Mail with Tabard +3
« on: March 31, 2016, 11:54:20 am »
Looking to get rid of my (FUCKINPURPLEFONT)Lordly Heraldric Mail with Tabard (/FUCKINPURPLEFONT) uh... wait... no does that not work? whatever. 45 body armor, 17 Leg armor. 12.2kg, 10 difficulty, shows your banner, rep the set etc.

I'm looking for lighter weight/body armor, gloves, or a Quarterstaff and some gold.

Specifically I'm interested in the following light armors:
Saracen Leather Armor
Peltastos Armor
Heavy Aketon
Tribal Warrior Outfit
Padded Leather

or any gloves between 0.9 and 1.3 weight. Open to other offers as well. Points + Gold, weapons etc.

4
General Off Topic / Totally rad Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
« on: December 21, 2013, 04:46:51 am »
visitors can't see pics , please register or login


from here. I wasted a lot of time escaping in video games. Probably at least one of those lives, and I didn't master anything in the first one, either. I'm glad to be done escaping, I'm not the kind of guy that can half-ass stuff- I get obsessed. It was a lot of fun, but I'll never be able to just "play casually".

5
General Off Topic / It's too early
« on: November 02, 2013, 11:38:19 am »
Dude fuck going to work right now, why did I stay up until midnight playing cRPG. How often do you guys bonk off from a scheduled day of work  with no good reason?

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Mercenary Recruitment / Top Performers Pay Me cRPG Gold
« on: October 13, 2013, 04:59:30 pm »
Since the theme for mercenary recruitment tends to be that the mercs will be paid cRPG gold and I'm broke, I've decided to switch it up and have you guys pay me, honor policy, trades will be up.

Best KDR - Pay me 50k cRPG gold
Most Kills - Pay me 100k cRPG gold
Least deaths - Pay me 75k cRPG gold

Battle 2nite

Standard gear for all classes, with some decent niche equipment for throwers (Lances, Jarids, Spears, Axes). If I make it home in time to pull gear out of the village before Zildjian presumably attacks, we might be able to use all of our gear in the next battle!

7
Diplomacy / Fief of New Peshmi
« on: September 19, 2013, 11:29:49 pm »
Champion Donkeys. Worth the PP respec. Paltry 5% discount, 8% tax. Ravage S&D as you please, attack the place. Get your burro on.

8
Who has +3 Throwing Lances? I bought them somewhere and was glad to have them available for folk, but I can't remember or find where that was. Who has them for sale? Thanks.

9
Let's get this Chamber of Tears thing off right! Posting 96 Tears on Matey's thread made me consider this idea for a thread. Post your favorite sappy, sad, break-up inspired or otherwise comforting tearful melodies. Lez do it!



10
Jake, you have been charged with scurvy! Prepare yourself for CITRUS INTAKE.

Real talk I probably won't be at this battle, so please sign up as early as possible to ensure you are hired, as I am the only one in this faction/able to mess with rosters.

visitors can't see pics , please register or login

11
This is a fairly straightforward suggestion.

Add the option to remove all of the body/leg armor from any given piece of owned equipment as well as all weight and requirement.

This would allow people of even the most extreme agility build to dress however (part of the RP aspect of cRPG) they like without any tangible impact on their character's speed or proficiency.

Any item modified in this way (by an option in the Items tab, probably) could never be traded in it's modified form. Unsure whether returning them to original stats should be disallowed but can't see much reason why not as the price paid for said item is the same.

Issues I can see people raising:

They don't expect someone in heavy armor to take 1 hit.
They don't expect someone in heavy armor to run fast despite losing all protection afforded by said armor.
They don't want people to have the option to dress their character however they want if they have less than 16 STR (max requirement for armor).

12
Suggestions Corner / [Strategus] Add Attack Cooldown for Fiefs
« on: April 14, 2013, 06:03:34 am »
Right now, you can attack a fief with an army, lose and thereby load it with extra, often broken gear and immediately assault it with another force, preventing any action being taken in organizing the excess gear unless the defender has the wherewithal to undertake that action in a matter of moments. This wouldn't be an issue, except for the fact that the game cannot handle TOO much gear to choose from- portions of the gear are rendered unable to be selected despite being able to see it.

This issue most often effects ranged units, though it is certainly capable of effecting all units outside of 1h's (which are at the top of the weapons category in game and thus are most readily able to be accessed- this appears to be how it works, and explains why ranged has the toughest time). It's a mechanic which is intentionally being used to grief others, as of now.

I unfortunately have to propose that there be a cooldown window after a fief is attacked so as to avoid this situation. Even 10-30 minutes would suffice, and as something similar to this already exists for field armies it shouldn't be difficult to add.


Alternatively: Allow outgoing transfer of only items RECENTLY added during the 4 hour incoming transfer window given by a follow-up attack. This would allow the selling of broken gear, low amounts, etc and increase enjoyment for ranged and all classes (having to spawn with broken weapons just to allow others to play their class isn't "fun") while keeping locked down any gear, goods, and gold which were not recently added to the fief.

13
Game Balance Discussion / [Stats] Strength Passive Still Too Potent
« on: April 01, 2013, 11:12:30 pm »
The passive of Strength (referring to the HP gain per point one since Strength has two passives) is too potent. It's a pretty massive benefit and sort of detracts from the allure of Ironflesh (though, of course, stacking both is most effective); you can already get pretty good to great HP @ 24+ STR without ever even investing in Ironflesh. I'd like to see the passive HP benefit changed to be similar to Agility's passive gain (which is like, the equivalent of 1 ath every 3-4 agi or something?) while simultaneously buffing Ironflesh. This would hurt those who haven't invested very heavily into Ironflesh but instead rely on Strength for the bulk of their durability (like me, 18 STR, 3 IF; 6 HP from Ironflesh, 15 HP from STR). I don't feel like Stat investment should contribute to a build's effectiveness as much as skill allocation.

14
Strategus Issues / New Items Count As Trade Goods
« on: March 27, 2013, 10:43:38 pm »
I don't know if this has been mentioned, but new items seem to count as trade goods. I thought it may just be the eyecandy script, but it's having a noticeable effect on my movement speed. Spathvaklions, Cavalry Spikes, Norman Mail Chausses, Barded Warhorse are all counted as goods and are weighing me down. I need horses to carry my damn horses.

15
I've recently had a few items become unusable in game, though I still retain ownership of them on the website. If it matters, this happened with Leather Gloves, Pelt coat, Rus Shoes. My repairs are set to auto, and I don't believe I own enough stuff to have things disappear. Selling the items on the website and then repurchasing them makes them available again, it seems. Still, bears reporting. Anyone else experience this?

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