Topics

1

General Discussion / Skeletons in your closet

« on: July 09, 2020, 09:17:36 pm »

Imagine you are trying to land a ridiculously high paying job or are running for village elder (for you Europeans), multiple interviews in at this point, and a deep background unearthed your crpg forums name along with everything else attached to that username.

The thorough Punjabi hired by the background check agency highlighted every "questionable" post you made over the years using that username, the contents of which will be discussed in your final interview.

How bad will it be for you?

I would likely have to answer for:

Disrespect towards authority figures, "Death to all admins"
"Cyber-bullying" even though it is not real
~1300 word count aggressively homoerotic fan fiction
Accusations of using racial slurs
Evidence of using racial slurs
Punishment for using racial slurs
Allusions to racial slurs
Defense of those accused of practicing the art of using racial slurs
General sexism
General "weak-memery"
Volunteering to be an administrator in this mod (something must be wrong with my morals)
Accusations of abusing my authority as head NA trial in-game administrator

Bonus Question:

A background check didn't find your username, you accidentally slip that you played crpg. The person interviewing you claims to have been a regular and then asks for your username. What do you tell him? What name from this cesspool might not get you cancelled?

My gut tells me Jayjrod.

God bless.

2

General Discussion / NA servers need... another admin

« on: June 02, 2018, 03:32:54 am »

After years of openly mocking all admins and would-be admins (except the developers) I finally see that they are a necessary element of healthy servers. I know that's a shocking concept to a lot of you after all you have seen over the years, but it's really the truth.

It's about enforcing basic rules to keep people playing, through verbal warning first and foremost. I firmly believe if we had an admin that wasn't afraid of drawing their fellow players/friends ire or losing strategus merc support (its a very sad reality) and attempted to the best of his/hers ability to follow an unbiased code of ethics, it would keep people wanting to play more often.

With that being said, I believe I can perform that task. Over the years I have seen a lot of admins, and if I was an admin I would attempt to emulate a system like Artyems or Sparvicos, with a softer final touch like Bronto. Sample system I would follow in game:

1. Initial verbal warning upon witnessing an obvious infraction
2. second verbal warning if necessary explaining that a kick will follow
3. kicked from the server
4. final verbal warning that they will be temporarily banned if behavior does not change
5. 20 minute ban

That is a system for in game administration to deal with team killers and egregious delayers/bro coders. Simple verbal warning I have often seen stop delayers and bro coders when admins try to enforce those rules.  I would not be a word police unless it is offending a player enough to complain in admin chat, in which case I would follow the system above with the mute function replacing the kick from step 3.

I would like a chance as a trial in-game admin. All of my administrator actions can and should be scrutinized by the other admins and the crpg community and if I do a poor job my admin powers should be removed.

I can be contacted most readily on discord @ HebrewNational#5051

3

General Discussion / The NA Baddies List v2.0

« on: May 04, 2016, 08:19:32 pm »

original list is here http://forum.melee.org/general-discussion/the-na-baddie-list/

"A baddie is to be an overall detriment to the team, to make a team have a lower rate of success"

Please tell me your recommendations for the official NA BADDIES list and reasons why a player belongs here. If you think someone (or yourself you fucking baddie) doesn't belong, state your case to be reviewed by the judges.

Updated NA BADDIES LIST (names and position subject to change):

1. any form of melee Kesh_BRD   
(should be obvious)

2. Pars as a whole                       
(your best player is a baddie, the rest are even worse)

3. HoC_Sleepy_Horse                   
(sleeper baddie, poor strat battle kdr)

4. King_James                             
(Perhaps has the capacity to not be a baddie, but frequently does nothing to help the team)

5. Thalion                                   
(cool guy, but free kill)

6. Poophammer                           
(I love you poop, but you earned a spot here permanently for being on the original list)

7. Saxton                                   
(rofl)

8. whoever is the worst of the Yoshi's belongs here, Taril?     
(free kill)

9. Anders                                   
(one of the few that truly belong on this list, great lance user and still a free kill)

10. One of the bad free peasants of fisdnar, El_Yanqui or Dorlando     
(free kills)

11. Bryggan                                 
(former dumpster emperor of NA strat, still a big baddie tho)

12. Asheram                                 
(Legendary player, but such a baddie that he almost transcends the baddies list. maybe secret S tier)

13. Nirnroot                                 
(surprise baddie voted in by the PEOPLE. a wild mofo prone to tking and using cut based stabs, why?)

14. tkov_arclegos                         
(transparent shitty personality, rank 6 duelista NA, managed to get voted in. i feel like he makes this list worse.)

15. tbd
16. tbh
17. tbh
18. tbh
19. tbh
20. tbh

Honorable BADDIE mentions:

-Hashishin                                     
(who does this guy think he is trying to kill people with an Elder's Khyber Knife?)

-Kadeth                                         
(can't even carry a team every round with a million ping)

-Screaming Idiot                             
(can't get swole kdr screenshots and makes jokes about cumming)

-Dr_Professor                                 
(bad at being a baddie, explaining that he is almost 2.5 kdr, yet demanding he appear on this list)

-Lord_Pope_Space_Commander_Viceroy_Axeman_of_Acre         
(Nominated by his m8 James, strength plate swole team hitter, fights from his heart and for the true ideals of Acre)

Dishonorable BADDIE mentions:

-Desire                                           
(Ban happy deadmin, achieves MLG status KDR in strat battles through careful play which still doesn't help the team very much)

Funny guys with great attitudes:

-Dread

4

Diplomacy / Tigergirl, your time is up

« on: March 30, 2016, 05:40:26 am »

http://c-rpg.net/index.php?page=strategusbattlesupcoming#!?page=strategusinfobattledetail&id=1006

Tigergirl, you are in and have been in direct violation of state law article 3-69er. Warnings were given to shape up and still you continue to initiate no attacks, make no enemies, and post unironic "xD" smiley faces all over my fucking forums.

3. TIGERGIRL IS CLOSE TO BEING AN ENEMY OF THE GOBBLIN STATE BECAUSE THE NERD SITS IN THE STEPPE SOLELY BY MY GOOD AUTISMAL GRACES, VIOLATING STATE LAW BY BEING AN ILLEGAL TRADE WHORE, CONTRIBUTING NOTHING BUT SMILEY FACES, FRIENDLINESS, NONCOMBATIVENESS, AND OTHER STUPID BULLSHIT TO AN INTERNET WAR GAME. IT SHALL NOT BE TOLERATED IF IT STAYS THIS COURSE. CONSIDER THIS AN ULTIGAYTUM, CHANGE YOUR WAYS OR FIND AN ARMY ON YOUR DOORSTEP TIGERGIRL, OR MAYBE WE WILL JUST SEND YOU ON THE TRAIL OF NERDTEARS TO BE RELOCATED ELSEWHERE.

The generous ULTIGAYTUM given by THE GOBBLIN KING on February 24th 2016, Anno Domini, was ignored and therefore, you will be DESTROIT. Your village was given to you by one of the most dumpster clans in the history of strategus, you didn't even attack the ai. This cannot be forgiven.

New Ada Kulun shall be siezed immediately. It's peaceful trade loving, xD face memeing citizens will be put to the cleaver and the village itself will be torn down to make way for my Den of Evil Diablo 2 role play fief.

This will be the swan song for THE REALM. It was always meant to end like this. Do not weep, the GOBBLINS will live on in the nightmares of TRASH players all across NA.

Also, you're bad.

5

Diplomacy / To Halitrous, from ChesterOtab

« on: January 31, 2016, 06:41:45 am »

http://c-rpg.net/?page=strategusbattlesarchive#!?page=strategusinfobattledetail&id=251

GET FUCKED ON HALITROUS. Before I got attacked by you bundle of stickss I had no idea that you existed, i still have no idea who you are, or what that stupid name means. You should probably just give up on strat or reform under a different name because it sucks. How does an army even lose that fight? I mean holy shit you had like 500 tickets and village gear against our free peasant gear nonsense and you got absolutely dumped on. TRASH.

Big thanks to all of you cool fuckers that signed up and showed up to fight for me. I had a ton of fun. I absolutely expected to get 0 roster support and lose in the first few minutes. I will remember the people that help me out, it is appreciated and I will have your backs in the future.

To my enemies, TRASH.

Warning, long winded RP post that no one should ever read, but what strat is really all about i think

(click to show/hide)

There is a time and a place for everything.

After weeks of monotonous trading in pursuit of the all mighty shekel I found myself at the doorstep of Tadsamesh more than ready for some well needed R&R. The fruits and pleasures of Tadsamesh had me idle and sexually drained for what seemed like an eternity.

My extended stay was inevitably discovered by a lord of the local reigning faction, BenGem the flaccid. He was a queer man, and not in a good way, he was a lord and commander of 500 men (soldiers most of them) and I quickly found out he was overly protective of his young handsome son. To set the record straight, BenGem the youngerer came on to me, not the other way around.

Once the Lord discovered that a GOBBLIN like myself had intimate relations with his only son and heir, me and my traveling companions (400 men, mostly rapists, slaves, slave rapists, and rapist slaves) were arrested and sentenced to death without a chance to legally defend myself. I plead with them to just let bygones be bygones, but this flaccid lord just would not listen to me. I was stripped of my items and clothing before he had me chained up in the horse stables to sleep in horse shit and cry myself to sleep.

I knew it was over for me, what a sorry sight I must have been. The first day was horrible, i tried to commit sudoku by drowning myself in horseshit, but I was just too craven to finish myself off. They say a man only really knows himself when he tries to drown himself in feces.

On the second night, once I was sure that the following day I would be slain like a chicken, a glimmer of hope came to me. A local stable rat had been sharing my living spaces and being a little annoying fucker most of the time, but he was my only friend in that nightmare. After feeding him some of the most quality horse shit that I had, I looked that dirty fucking rat straight in his beady eyes and asked him to leave my stable and find me some fucking help. To my amazement the rat nodded, ate some more feces, and fled with great haste right out into the night. I knew at this point that insanity gripped me tightly, but the hope remained that this rat would bail me out somehow.

Obviously the following morning the rat did not return with or without help and I could only curse myself for not eating him when I had the chance. Today was the day of my execution and at this point I was ready for death. When the guards came for me, I rubbed one out for old times sake and prepared to welcome death. They took me and my men into the fields to be used as live meatbag sword practice for the lord and his soldiers.

I drew my breath and took one last look at the sky and then looked around to see the faces of my doomed companions. However, I started to realize that I recognized none of them. These were not the rapist slaves that I was imprisoned with, these men looked fierce and confident. Then it caught my eye, they had concealed weapons. Not anything that could match the lord's well equipped battlefield army, but makeshift shivs and peasant utensils that could be easily hidden away. Who were these warriors? Just as my executioners caught on to the fact that their prisoners were armed, one man drew a 1h sword and exclaimed loudly "J’suis tanné! Let us kill these FCC vassal puuties!" His roars awakened me to the situation I was in and I rushed the guard nearest me with a cunning bite to his fucking jugular. Now I too was armed and his blood tasted better than any horse shit in existence, of high quality or not.

Hope was now firm in my heart and I finally realized just what had happened. This man was Arowaine, general of the GOBBLIN army, he had recently gone missing after a failed attempt on his life. He must have been hiding nearby while recouping strength and heard the cries of my savior rat.

I started recognizing more and more of my friends among this rescue party, many well trained GOBBLINS were among them, and some of my oldest and dearest friends (GOBBLINS and not) were here just to save my life. No longer did I welcome death, now I hungered for the death of my enemies fighting side by side with legends of old and friends of my youth. Our enemies were shaken, but still were confident and eager to slay us all with their superior weaponry. What they didn't account for was the indisputable fact that they were all fucking TRASH, i mean lel holy shit they suck so bad. With every advantage in the world they came at us and were destroit by men equipped with shovels and wood axes. Arowaine's voice gave confidence to every man on our side of the battlefield as he let us know exactly what we had to do in order to dumpster the dumpsters.

We held lines with the courage of GOBBLINS as the enemy overextended and broke upon us. I was never more alive and alert, as we slaughtered these fucking baddies. In my head all I could think of were the words of the GOBBLIN GREAT LEADER that I heard many moons ago "KILL THEM AND CALL THEM TRASH" and I knew in my heart that he was proud wherever he may be. Only as the final enemies were crumbling and the chants of "USA" "TRASH" and "PATRIOT EAGLE" were shouted in all caps across the battlefield did we all understand that total victory was ours. A well equipped army composed of dumpsters and dumpster leaders never stood a chance against the commanding presence of Gobblin_General_Arowaine, hero of the FCC holocaust, a man I have fought against countless times in other ages whom now had come to my total rescue. Friendship is a vague word, but these men that came to my aid are more than worthy of my devotion.

The last of the lord's guard was slain and I had the personal pleasure to watch the lord cry about how life is unfair. We took that kid's lunch money, killed off his troops, and sent him on his way, one son and heir short because that fine piece of ass was coming with me. I smiled, I laughed, I hugged the people around me and saw on the overlooking hill was THE GOBBLIN KING himself atop his mighty GOBBLIN STEED CIKEL. These great men came to this shit land to save me, just one of their many men. I ran up to him and asked how in the world my savior rat lead them back to me only for him to tell me that I was a fucking idiot loon and that they already knew I was captured long before any rat related shenanigans. With my mind now crystal clear I said my thanks to the brave men that risked their lives to save me and began my journey back to the current GOBBLIN homeland, but not before DUMPING on the Tadsamesh S&D because fuck those guys.

That night and many nights after I helped myself to the fine booty of BenGem the youngerer, and I reached the conclusion that there is a time and place for everything. The right time to booty pound a lordling is after you lay waste to his father's army, never before.

6

General Discussion / EON Documentary

« on: May 17, 2015, 11:54:34 am »

join them today or next time you see them online.

http://forum.melee.org/faction-halls/eon-is-recruting-pls-join/

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NA (Official) / Ban Jack1_ for racism

« on: January 27, 2015, 03:51:57 am »

BAN REQUEST FORM:
1. Name of your character involved
 ChesterOtab

2. Name of offending character(s)
Jack1_

3. Time and server, as accurately as possible
6:41pm PST 1/26/15

4. Written description of what happened, the whole story. Also what happened before and after.
Jack1_, a known bigot, continuously spammed chat with extremely offensive racial slurs some directed at me, some directed at my race in general. He called me things such as "tar skin" "jungle tree chimp" and "welfare abusing poo hue"

5. Why you think the offender did what he did.
He has suppressed fantasies of being raped by a large chocolate male in prison, and this is how he tries to convince himself that he doesn't really want that dark chocolate log.

6. Multiple Screenshots
http://i.imgur.com/WTaWvD9.jpg

7. Names of players that can witness what happened.
Infante_STF, Wicke_de_Reche, Saulcanner, spiritus, sexual_chocolate

8

Buy / Buying +3 Nomad Sabre

« on: December 07, 2014, 06:14:12 pm »

post here or pm me if you have one and want to sell. it's going to a good cause, i need this 0 slot 1h to finish my chinese tri-brid build (miaodao, red tassel, nomad sabre)

just traded away my LPs, but if you want to trade +3 nomad for a +3 heavy greatsword let me know.

9

Suggestions Corner / Keep Scavenged Weapons Between Rounds

« on: November 16, 2014, 11:55:28 pm »

It was a sad sad day when this function was patched out. I am guessing the intention was to prevent people from avoiding to pay upkeep or something, but who really cares about upkeep anymore? Add it back in so finding a sweet weapon on the ground makes you want to stay alive to keep using it.

fun mechanics > garbage upkeep mechanics

10

Suggestions Corner / Re Introduce Jumpshots With Bows

« on: October 22, 2014, 12:33:17 am »

Title says it all. Why not add a fun mechanic back into the game to help compensate for the recent damage nerfs that so many people are crying about? I don't even play ranged at all, but jumpshot is sick.

11

Buy / Buying +3 red tassel spear

« on: January 20, 2014, 05:22:18 pm »

I have a +3 battle fork to offer, along with gold. Let me know in this thread or PM me if you are interested in selling/trading one and how much gold you would find acceptable, on top of the fork.

edit: my current offer: +3 battle fork + 75k gold. trade is up in the marketplace 

Final edit: Trade accepted! thread closed