cRPG

Off Topic => Spam => Topic started by: UnholyRolyPoly on March 26, 2014, 05:41:09 am

Title: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: UnholyRolyPoly on March 26, 2014, 05:41:09 am
Yes... that's right.  Whoever posts the best essay on why he/she thinks I'm a total my old friend gets 100k.  Keep it as short or long as you like (wink wink.)  Winner will be announced sometime next week. 

BTW I'm not gay.  I'm married with kids.  But what the hell.  It should be fun. 
Title: unholy is gay
Post by: Artyem on March 26, 2014, 05:46:36 am
An essay on why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend


'Brilliant', 'Quite Good', 'What?', these are just some of the comments made recently in the press regarding why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend. There are many factors which influenced the development of why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend. Though why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend is a favourite topic of discussion amongst monarchs, presidents and dictators, several of todays most brilliant minds seem incapable of recognising its increasing relevance to understanding future generations. Crossing many cultural barriers it still draws remarks such as 'I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole' and 'i'd rather eat wasps' from so called 'babies', who are likely to form a major stronghold in the inevitable battle for hearts and minds. In the light of this I will break down the issues in order to give each of them the thought that they fully deserve

Social Factors

Society is our own everyday reality. Upon Peter Pinkleton-PishPosh's return to Britain he remarked 'class will refelect the inner hero' [1], he shead new light on why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend, allowing man to take it by the hand and understand its momentum. A society without why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend is like a society without knowledge, in that it irons out misconceptions from our consciousness.

When one is faced with people of today a central theme emerges - why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend is either adored or despised, it leaves no one undecided. It is intrinsically linked to adolescent inner acclimatisation.

Economic Factors

The dictionary defines economics as 'the social science concerned with the production, distribution, exchange, and consumption of goods and services'. We will begin by looking at the Spanish-Armada model, a classic economic system of analysis.
National
Debt   


why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend

How do we explain these clear trends? Obviously the national debt, ultimately decided by politicians, will always be heavily influenced by why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend due to its consistently high profile in the portfolio of investors. A sharp down turn in middle class investment may lead to changes in the market.

Political Factors

No man is an island, but what of politics? Politicians find it difficult to choose between what has become known in politics as - 'The two ways' - why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend now, and its equivalent in the 1800s.

It is always enlightening to consider the words of nobel prize winner Augstin Bootlegger 'The success of any political system can only truly be assessed once the fat lady has sung.' [2] I argue that his insight into why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend provided the inspiration for these great words. It is a well known 'secret' that what prompted many politicians to first strive for power was why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend.

Is why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend politically correct, in every sense? Each man, woman and to a lesser extent, child, must make up their own mind.
Conclusion

In conclusion, why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend may not be the best thing since sliced bread, but it's still important. It enriches, 'literally' plants seeds for harvest, and figures show it's a winning formular.

One final thought from the talented Shania Paltrow: 'why unholyrolypoly is a my old friend is the new rock and roll! And the new opera!' [3]
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: GandalfJr on March 26, 2014, 05:47:10 am
I was looking at the rest of the people viewing the topic and thinking how long they've been typing for.
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: UnholyRolyPoly on March 26, 2014, 05:50:37 am
I think I am a total my old friend for posting this.  Paying people to tell you why you are a my old friend pretty much makes you a my old friend.  I am a my old friend for being a horse archer.  That's definitely worth my old friend points.  If there was a my old friend scale between Trekkies and Gay porn I would be the straight dude... in gay porn for the money.  That's pretty fuckin gay. 

I'm also a my old friend for thinking my own Essay probably deserves to win.  I might be a big enough my old friend to actually pay myself the 100k at the end of this assignment.  That would definitely be the my old friend thing to do. 
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Grumpy_Nic on March 26, 2014, 05:57:08 am
Sigurd_von_Krems is one of my characters.

EU might agree with calling me a bundle of sticks right now but for NA: dual xbow running away & backpedaling 1h stab abuser & highlvl agicunt. Actually I'm not good enough to be called 1h stab abuser but at least I try  :mrgreen:

If thats not enough, I also have an archer and a thrower so I play each ranged class, I have HX gear ony STF although I didnt use that in ages.
Still not enough? Well I also got a greatlance character, and a heavy 2h cav that can take so much punishment with loomed gear that even I can farm valour with it.

Man I almost forgot: I SHOOT IN MELEE ANYTIME, ALL THE TIME!

Vote for me guys, I'm totally worth it.
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Tanken on March 26, 2014, 06:41:27 am
The Roly Poly of Cocks

High school can be a tough place for a young man. There is a constant desire to "Fit in" or "Belong" with the crowd. The constant need to simply exist and be recognized for existing is tantamount to making it through High School and having fond memories of such. Many choose to simply exist, and by no means stand out. Then there are those that stand out; jocks, whores, goths, band kids, geeks, console gamers, and student council. But there is one group, who stands out above the rest, and in many ways is worse than all the others--The my old friends.

As a young man, Roly Poly always knew he was different. Neighbor kids would come over and ask if he wanted to play, and as Roly Poly peered out from behind the door of his house, he had to hide his awkward pre-teen boner as he found an excuse to turn down their offer. He was ashamed of what his body was causing him to do. It was not that he didn't want to play, he just definitely did not want to play any of the games they had in mind. His uncle had showed him a great many of games prior to his uncle leaving to go to the state penitentiary. No, Roly Poly instead would steal his sister's tooth brush, stare out the window at the sweaty young lads playing basketball in the street, and rub his nipples with said tooth brush.

School was no different. The bus can be one of the most traumatizing events for a young gay man. Being in such close proximity to so many different men, all boisterous, loud, and constantly standing or turning their backsides to you. As a constant window-licker for most of his life, Roly Poly could not help but stare down the aisle as men would depart the bus. His eyes would follow their bouncing ass cheeks like the audience observing a tennis match. When a friend would sit at his seat and share the seat with him, Roly Poly would become hot and bothered, often times resulting in covering his lap with his backpack.

As he progressed through school and made it in to high school, it was obvious to all around Roly Poly that he was vastly different. His projects in art class were always vibrantly colored, and extremely good. Roly Poly's taste for literature always was of questionable integrity, reading such novels as Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey. In gym class, he was a total loser. Half the time he didn't even bring clothes to dress out in, so he'd sit on the bench watching all the others run around, work out, and play games--perhaps this was intentional? Roly Poly by now had been exposed to the internet and with a simple few quick searches through AskJeeves.com, he found what he truly was, and videos to accompany it.

Holy shit. Porn.

Roly Poly could now release his tension to all the twisted gay porn his mind and body had never found prior to this time. He was raised religiously, and never exposed to the outside world much. Health classes certainly didn't teach of intercourse between two men. Roly Poly spent hours and hours, night after night switching back and forth between porn videos and gay forums, discovering who he really was. Finally, after some time, self-debate and self-bating, he decided to come out.

The next day, Roly Poly went to lunch, gathered around all of his peers to one lunch table, and sat down his salad with italian dressing on the table as he stood up before them.

"Fellas," he said as he cleared his throat, not one to typically make a scene such as this, "I have an announcement." Instantly, one of his friends interrupted him, "Sit down my old friend!" he jeered as the others laughed. But Roly Poly would not have his moment ruined.

"In fact," he interjected over his peers, "that is exactly what I am trying to say. I am gay."

There was a silence, not only from his table, but a cascade across the lunch room. It was as if he had lit off a ghastly fart, and slowly one-by-one tables around him were smelling it. Everyone's attention quickly turned to him, whispers were exchanged, and scoffs were made. Roly Poly had just came out to a group of peers that wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of some gay dude.

It was all over for Roly Poly. From that moment until the time he graduated from high school, it was a shit storm. Constant harassment, wet-willies, lack of friends, being forced to go dress out in the janitor's closet for gym class, being laughed at by teachers, and publicly humiliated and beat up were all things Roly Poly endured.

When Roly Poly left high school, he knew he couldn't go on to college and face the same torment. He picked up a job at Macy's as a salesman and just lived out his time being gay and hiding from it. It was, until he heard about a sale on Steam that everything would change. He read about it on Reddit, as most my old friends often visit and sift through, and found that there was this game called Mount&Blade: Warband. He read the word Mount, and didn't care about the rest, and quickly downloaded Steam, whipped out his Mastercard, and bought this $7.49 game on a whim.

But the Reddit post didn't just stop there. Roly Poly heard about this mod called c-RPG, or some meleegaming bullshit as it has been renamed. He downloaded that too, hoping to find enjoyment in his investment. What he found instead was a community of players, all of them my old friends just like him. All of them had lived a life just like he had. They all, in their own way were just Roly Polys.
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: UnholyRolyPoly on March 26, 2014, 07:05:30 am
Best one so far dude.  I laughed my ass off. 

And how did you know I stroked my nipples with a toothbrush.  Little pleasure... little pain.... minty fresh.... C'mon
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: UnholyRolyPoly on March 26, 2014, 07:10:33 am
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF652_41yKU
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Wesleysnipes on March 26, 2014, 07:17:15 am
Because you're apart of the Film Actors Guild?
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: UnholyRolyPoly on March 26, 2014, 07:19:54 am
Quote from: Wesleysnipes on March 26, 2014, 07:17:15 am
Because you're apart of the Film Actors Guild?

Nah dude I didn't give any money to Obama
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Lord_Kitazawa_of_Voodoo on March 26, 2014, 07:41:18 am
At first, I thought about writing an essay.  After reading Tanken's detailed story, I realized that his creativity far exceeds mine, so I am going to keep it short and sweet.  Also, in the spirit of being gay, I'll make it a poem.

UnholyRolyPoly-
A "bundle of sticks" right from birth.                      *For the purpose of correct syllables, please substitute the two syllable equivalent of "bundle of sticks."
He always checked
The size and shape,
The head, the shaft, the girth.

The moment that Roly realized he was gay,
Was not during gym class or lunch.
He noticed that he was a huge fucking my old friend,
While attending a mid-morning brunch.

His parents are gone,
Now Roly's a loner.
All men yell, "[Y] Retreat!"
At the sight of his boner.
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Tears of Destiny on March 26, 2014, 07:41:30 am
Why UnholyRolyPoly is a total unadulterated flaming FRIENDLY ARCHER

First off let me start with his name, it rhymes like the cleverness that only a totally retarded Fallen archer would think off when completely stoned out of his gourd from sniffing too many archer buttholes, only UnholyRolyPoly decided not only is this such a super cool and original name but that his level of FRIENDLY ARCHER deserved to be in a "special clan" filled with other total FRIENDLY ARCHERs so FRIENDLY ARCHERy that not even the fallen would take them anymore due to the sheer level of FRIENDLY ARCHER gameplay.

UnholyRolyPoly is a total FRIENDLY ARCHER because he played as a two handed hero, abusing bullshit master race FRIENDLY ARCHER two handed hero mechanics and decided that not only was this not close enough to being a FRIENDLY ARCHER but he had to go the extra mile and actually become a flaming giant miserable shit-eating FRIENDLY ARCHER on a god damn piece of shit fucking horse. The way UnholyRolyPoly even rides his horse you just know he loves horse dick, UnholyRolyPoly is worse then a FRIENDLY ARCHER, he is literally worse then a Third Reich tyrannical genocidal egotistical insane German dictator.

Everytime I see UnholyRolyPoly play his horse archer I want to put babies in a blender. I literally go outside and kill myself every time I even think of him and his shit-eating grin as he plays c-RPG. UnholyRolyPoly is literally the cancer killing c-RPG and he deserves nothing more then to be kicked in his butthole so hard that he will never poop again, for this painful feeling of constipation is what everyone feels when they have to endure his shitty no-melee never-cap-a-flag arrows-hit-just-hard-enough-to-stagger-but-not-kill team killer delaying leeching horrible excuse of a c-RPG character that the world has ever seen.

Even hearing UnholyRolyPoly's voice in teamspeak makes me punch heterosexuals in rage. You can't even breathe deep enough for just one fucking second before he starts his nerd-speel over how autistic he is and his latest addition to his collection of my little pony dolls. You can't even fucking hit disconnect before you hear his fucking life story of how his uncle introduced him to being a furry bronie and how it changed his life forever (Yeah, his "life).

He thinks he is so cool but he's nothing but a miserable FRIENDLY ARCHER. His "wife" that you hear on teamspeak all the time? yeah, that's his sister screaming at him to stop stealing her bras and lipstick. His "son" is a god damn fucking life-sized jar-jar binks poster with justin-beibers head pasted over... And don't think you wiped those lip-stick marks completely off, we can all see those disgusting smears on it in the corner of the room when you're showing off your latest anime-girl doll pillow on your bed that goes with her "sister" below that horrid Twilight poster above your bed. The little shit can't even decide between team Edward and team Jason and goes back and forth like the little Twilight slut he is.

UnholyRolyPoly wears Crocs, nuff said about that, let's move on.

An amazing thing about UnholyRolyPoly? He can recite every Nicholas Cage line ever said in every movie, word for word, and already fangirls over him fantasizing about Nicholas Cage as Batman or whatever the fuck else role he's applying to even before the tabloids catch word. He's the fucker who convinced me that the name "Tears of Destiny" was better then "Xocoyol" and that I would get "All the cute guys" if I used that name, which is apparently a fucking lie as years later I have yet to pick up one single cutie while playing this game (Probably because UnholyRolyPoly scares them all off with his incessant babbling in teamspeak about his amazingballs skills as a Pew Pewer)!


 UnholyRolyPoly is so bad that he thinks running and kiting in c-RPG is just "Playing hard to get" and named his horse "Twilight Sparkles," which the little fuck-ass bawls his eyes out every time "Twilight Sparkles"dies and starts wailing about how pikes are OP and other such mind-numbing shit that OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM GOING TO PUT A BABY IN A BLENDER JUST THINKING ABOUT IT BRB...

This glue-sniffing wanna-be hipster idiot who wears shirts emblazoned with the Internet Explorer logo can't even pick up catholic priests when he goes to Sunday school due to him throwing little plastic arrows at people while riding a wooden horse hardcore, screaming "I'm the bes, I'm the bes! I'm the bes horse arch in the WHORL!." Last time I'll ever go to Sunday school with you EVER. This little turd is so bad that he makes topics like this in some warped way of proving to the rest of the Black Company that he is not as bad as he is and can go 'haha guys see it's all just a joke" before blowing his nose again on his digimon hankie and blasting Nickleback over TeamSpeak on an open Mic. Last time we had a get-together this little shit mixed Skittles with M&Ms and passed it out, literally worse then Hitler.

Though, he is the person who introduced me to Hello Kitty World: Platinum Edition, so he's not all bad.

He also has sex with men.
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Armpit_Sweat on March 26, 2014, 03:16:57 pm
Every night, for as long as UnholyRolyPoly could remember, a recovering lucid vision came to life - sharp and overwhelming, it was the greatest joy of his life: 

At first, there is only darkness, the air is humid and warm, but soon, a distinct odor emerges – the odor of sewers. With time, the smell intensifies to a point when it can be almost tasted. The darkness slowly reveals the shape of surrounding slimy walls, and it is soon possible to move through the sewer-maze, one step at a time, carefully treading on the moist floor, while holding both hands against the walls.

After a while, a tiny light starts shining in the end of a long straight section, and as it’s getting closer, accompanied by a loud crashing noise – it turns out to be a headlight of a freight train, that is moving forward, while smashing the surrounding sewer walls unfit for it’s size. The train is getting closer and closer, and no matter how quickly UnholyRolyPoly runs – there is no escape! In the last moment before being hit , he gets one last glimpse of the train, and realizes that the driver is his uncle Skeeter.

UnholyRolyPoly wakes up within his dream, still wondering about the sewer-train, and, as he walks down the hall, a sobbing noise comes from the living room: his wife is lying on the floor completely naked, her eyes are hazy, silent tears are running down her lifeless face, and her lips keep whispering the same word over and over again: “Weisswurst”. A huge plate of hotdogs appears in RolyPoly’s hands, and he proceeds to feeding them to his child. He knows junkfood is not good for babies, but he can not help it – he has to finish feeding all of the hotdogs, no matter what! When the plate is empty, he reaches for a huge jar on the table, but the handle is slippery and the jar tips over, covering him and his child with milk. 

At this point, UnholyRolyPoly wakes up and proceeds to changing underware, as it always gets wet and sticky by the end of this, no doubt, peculiar dream. The end.
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Thranduil on March 26, 2014, 06:31:16 pm
my old friend
A player of cRPG that uses one or more of several classes considered to be overpowered such as archery, horse archery, two hand spam, and horse lancer. Can usually be distinguished by their position on the scoreboard, as a 'my old friend' will typically be in the top ten. Also known to receive valour frequently. Also known to post threads on forums asking how he or she is a 'my old friend'.

cRPG player, UnholyRolyPoly is a horse archer and is asking on forums why he is a my old friend.
UnholyRolyPoly is a total my old friend.


I'm awaiting urban dictionary to officially accept the definition!  :mrgreen:


(My money's on either Tank or UnholyRolyPoly winning the 100k  :wink:)
Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Clockworkkiller on March 26, 2014, 08:10:20 pm
My essay:


Why is rolypoly a my old friend? Because, he just is.

The end.
Title: 100k RP Writing Contest on Why UnholyDiver is Gay
Post by: UnholyRolyPoly on March 27, 2014, 06:51:14 am
I had posted a similar thread the other day.  I assume it was removed because I used an offensive term for "gay."  Some of the entries were funny as hell.  But we have to start over. 

This time I want you to write an RP story using my character UnholyDiver.  Feel free to exaggerate.  He lives in calradia and he's totally gay etc etc.  It doesn't have to be nasty.  Just stupid.  I'm not really looking for homo-erotica.  Though...  I'm sure some of you are.  Just make it funny.  You don't really have to RP either.  If you wanna take shots at me that's all good as long as it's funny.   

Whoever's story gets the most "likes" by Sat. April 12th will win.  If there is a tie I will pick one of them.  The winner gets 100k CRPG gold. 

BTW I'm married with kids.  But I can't think of better subject matter for the CRPG community. 
Title: Re: 100k RP Writing Contest on Why UnholyDiver is Gay
Post by: Life on March 27, 2014, 07:00:05 am
only 100k?  :|
Title: Re: 100k RP Writing Contest on Why UnholyDiver is Gay
Post by: GiuseppeBlackRose on March 27, 2014, 07:10:49 am
Thunderblade by Me

John UnholyDiver WAs not like the other children. He was b orn in the family of 8 in a small home in calradia, his family did not approve of him because they knew he was Gay. John was Always practicing his acrobatic and stalking abilitys and playing hide and seek with the cihldren (Even when they wernt playing) AT the age of 8 he was thrown out of the village by villagers and his family.
 
HE had a chance to talk to his mother before he left
"Mom, why dont you love me??"
"Because you are you Unholy John" "You are a gay"

Deep down a man watchedn the banishing of John and knew it was wrong THe mans name was Al Mualim (Leader of the assassin order of the village which wasx called Barbadof)

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Al mualim approached the young boyh now in mud nad cryingo ut side of the village and took him to his shack. Together they got and learnt to defend each other al mualim was good at fighting with a sword and John Unholy was good at killing with silent. Al Mualim never made fun of john unholy for being gay and was always looking out for him (beacause al Mualim is old and wise)

One day John was travelling with his Hawk Silver Hawk sivler was his hawk. The hawk said to john "Squawk" But John knew what it means because he is a handler of Silver. Silver was saying that over the Mountains past the shack theyre is a great disturbance (Over the mountains was where the old village and johns family was). John Told mualim and mualim did not listen to him because mualim is selfish sometimes.

John unholy then rushed to his horse and set out riding over the hills for 6 days to get to the villge When he saw it.

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Men riding horses in a wierd wway attacked him and tryed to kill him but John Unholy killed them first. He swung his sword killing 3 then the last one was almost dead but John Unholy put his foot on his chest and said "Who do u work for" The man said two words which John didnt understand

"Ghengis Khan"

"Who is that?"

"The leader of the Mongol Horde"

Immiedately john was worried for the safety of his family but he knew he had to rush because the Moingol Horde were well known and feared.

Hawk Silver Crushed the neck of the mongol warrior and they set out for 3 more days to the vbillage.

There it was. THe village was on fire and he saw the poor kids being killed and some of his brother and sisters getting killed.

He saw his mother in the village centre about to be Executed. John hurried fast and swept thruough Like a tornado killing enemys then he saved his mom. The village cheered at him because he Killed the mongol group terrorrising them. John was Adored by thhe local people and he knew that no more he had to be afraid just because he was a gay boy.

In This moment, He was not a homosexual.

He was a assassin

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John Unholy with Hawk Silver
Title: Re: 100k RP Writing Contest on Why UnholyDiver is Gay
Post by: Sandersson Jankins on March 27, 2014, 08:07:01 am
(click to show/hide)

i thought this thread was pretty shitty until it caused this literary masterpiece to happen.

10/10 post 10/10 thread
Title: Re: 100k RP Writing Contest on Why UnholyDiver is Gay
Post by: Tanken on March 29, 2014, 11:38:41 pm
Quote from: UnholyRolyPoly on March 27, 2014, 06:51:14 am
I had posted a similar thread the other day.  I assume it was removed because I used an offensive term for "gay."  Some of the entries were funny as hell.  But we have to start over. 

This time I want you to write an RP story using my character UnholyDiver.  Feel free to exaggerate.  He lives in calradia and he's totally gay etc etc.  It doesn't have to be nasty.  Just stupid.  I'm not really looking for homo-erotica.  Though...  I'm sure some of you are.  Just make it funny.  You don't really have to RP either.  If you wanna take shots at me that's all good as long as it's funny.   

Whoever's story gets the most "likes" by Sat. April 12th will win.  If there is a tie I will pick one of them.  The winner gets 100k CRPG gold. 

BTW I'm married with kids.  But I can't think of better subject matter for the CRPG community.

April 12th? That's quite a ways away Roly! Also, how do we "Like" a post since this in Spam now?

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Title: Re: 100k To the Best Essay on Why I'm a total my old friend
Post by: Dooz on March 31, 2014, 07:45:32 am
you like dick and you have a dick

keep your money. my old friend.
Title: Re: 100k RP Writing Contest on Why UnholyDiver is Gay
Post by: GOBBLINKINGREATLEADER on March 31, 2014, 08:40:35 am
Quote from: GiuseppeBlackRose on March 27, 2014, 07:10:49 am
(click to show/hide)

 holy shit i cant stop laughing