Author Topic: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.  (Read 9004 times)

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Offline xxkaliboyx

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+10
As a response to Tristan's post of "Fair enough, you've been permabanned. To get unbanned please post a 1500-word essay on why cheating is bad and you are remorseful of it. Feel free to explain why what you were doing what wasn't cheating as well at some point. Alternatively, you can buy a new key", I will be outlining my mistakes, my remorse, and how I’m going to move forward from this situation. If Tristan sees fit to unban me, then I will try my best to reintegrate into the cRPG community -- knowing full well -- that half of our small community will never forgive the atrocities I have committed. That is something I will have to live with as long as I play this game, and a burden I shall carry alone.
 
 
In terms of the real world, cheating has consequences, so it only makes sense that those consequences should be upheld in our tight-knit online community as well; otherwise, it would not only be hindering the fun of the other players, but it would also catastrophically impact the integrity of the game.  I cheated, no doubt about it. It was an inconsiderate and despicable act that I alone performed. This essay will not be about me making excuses on that unspeakable sin -- that far too often is now commonplace -- but instead, it will be about owning up to that mistake and making sure it is never committed again. 
 
 
Cheating can be categorized in a few different ways, but in the end, it comes down to moral character. Although I am reticent to admit it, my moral character as of late has been lacking. No amount of soul searching or aimless thought can clear me of any heinous action, for it will always be a black stain on my reputation and character. I cheated and was dishonest, I didn’t just cheat in the game and arbitrarily abuse one of the most renowned parts of Mount and Blade; I cheated the players of cRPG, and ultimately, I cheated myself. There are rules and structure in place for a reason, without those rules and regulation -- and without the courageous e-heroes that enforce them -- this niche game called cRPG would erupt into anarchy and most likely, dissolve into the pit of MODDB forgotten Mount and Blade: Warband mods.
 
 
I tried once to express my remorse in the cRPG discord and directly at Tristan, this encounter failed atrociously. The main reason was I failed to admit my own shortcomings, while the secondary reason is I was not clear in my explanation. Tristan, fellow cRPG players, admins, casuals, pros and new players, I want to take this moment to directly express my unflinching remorse for my actions. I cheated, I did unspeakable acts and regret my actions, past and present. The most egregious of the recent actions was the vitriol which I expressed towards our head admin, Tristan. It is uncalled for, unprofessional and ultimately, extremely petty. I was allowed to stay in the game, I just had to put up with a few insults in discord and in-game and that would have been the end of it. I took everything too literally and personally and now we are here. I’m asking for forgiveness, I’m asking to be let back into this special community, with the great players, admins and balancers -- all of which do a thankless and underappreciated job in their free time.
 
 
Most people will not accept my apology or this essay and that is their right and honestly, it is warranted, but if any wiggle room exists, I promise to withhold the integrity of the game. I promise not to bad talk admins, talk back to them, give them any grief. At this point, it is my desire to enjoy the game with the few players that still allow me to hang around, the ones that do not throw my past misgivings in my face every chance they get-- while it may sound like an ideal outcome, it is way more than I deserve. 
 
 
I will have to bear the burden of living out the days in cRPG as a cheater. My word will mean next to nothing, my opinion will fall on deaf ears for the duration that his mod exists. A small price to pay to be able to enjoy a game with friends that we all hold dear and love. Otherwise, why would I even put myself through this, if it was not worth it? I can just move on to the next game, or quit gaming altogether. Ultimately I do think writing this 1500 word unban essay is worth it.
 
I doubt anyone will want to listen to why I cheated in the first place, but here it goes. Years ago, I was being taught a computer science and programming. I was curious, could I apply this skill to games that I was currently playing, but the point for me wasn’t to cheat to be better at the game, no, the point for me was if I could manipulate my tools, to do what I wanted it to do in the game. I was curious and see how far I could take my knowledge. I realized last year, that it was not fair to the other players in the game. When I came back a few weeks ago, I have long-since destroyed my suite of tools and realized my mistake with what I have been doing. Doesn’t make right on what I did and it was absolutely cheating under any definition of the word. 
 
 
If you take Merriam Webster definition of cheating: “to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud”, “to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice”, “to practice fraud or trickery”, and finally “to violate rules dishonestly”. I fall under every definition in that book.
 
 
John D. MacDonald was a famous writer in the early 1900s, who’s famous titles include the Travis McGee series and The Executioners, that the film “Cape Fear” was adapted from, probably said it best “Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will”
 
 
I truly feel that my integrity is where it’s supposed to have been all along. It is a hard ask for the cRPG community and cRPG admins to accept this essay, but that is exactly what I’m doing here today. Do I deserve a second chance? Not my call to make, all I could do is admit to my wrongdoing and hope for the best and write this essay for all who venture the forum to remind us of my heinous crimes.
 
 
I do not want this mod to die, I do not think this mod is shit and would like to be around during the revival. I had plenty of fun in this game the last few weeks, just like everyone else and would like to continue and even help any way that I can, giving time permitted. I currently invest in the game as a fifteen dollar a month donor. I highlight this not to give an exception to a cheater, but to show that I am committed to the future of cRPG. I also gave a positive review in MOD Database, once again for the same reason as aforementioned. I do not want to drive new players away, but the opposite, I want new players to come in. I am committed to being an upstanding player in cRPG.
 
 
This part that follows will be pointed at directly to Tristan. Tristan, you were right, about everything. I was smug, I was condescending, I didn’t admit fault and my recent behavior has been disruptive at best. That is not what I promise to do when I said I wanted to be an upstanding citizen of cRPG. It is the total opposite. I apologize to you directly, any inconvenience, time wasted I have caused and any issues I might have bestowed upon. I now realize that no matter what my feeling are towards you, I need to respect the position and authority that comes with Head North America Admin, as one would do in the military. You don’t necessarily have to respect the man, but you have to respect the rank and in this game Tristan, you outrank me, in every way possible. Now moving forward, if allowed to do so, I will not speak at all towards you in-game or on discord and respect and uphold any position you seem fit. To be very clear, I did cheat and I admit fault, I’m a cheater all around.
 
 
There it is folks, poured my heart and soul into this essay and now it is upon you to decide my outcome. No reason to take a word of a cheater, but if allowed, promise to move forward from my cheating days and help cRPG, not hinder it or ruin anyone’s fun. I do not hold ill will or grudges, because this was brought on by myself and myself alone. My last log was a year ago and I plan on keeping it back there, I will not be looking back, but looking forward. I will strive to be the role model player that wants this community made Warband mod to thrive, follow the rules and be an all-around pleasure to play with and wish not for cRPG be a victim of another abandoned project, with all the potential in the world, but just “couldn’t make it”. I know this will not happen and I fully support the thankless job of the devs, admin team members, and balancers. Thank you for your time.

EDIT: Autoblock is implied in my essay, but just so no misunderstanding. Yes, I autoed

Very Respectfully
 
Merrrica
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 01:45:26 am by xxkaliboyx »
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Offline traxits

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2018, 01:09:24 am »
+8
this man may have broken some big rules but that's in the past and it can't really be changed. our internet friend groups may not exactly get along all the time but i say unban he, we're a small enough community as is and perma banning someone for their past mistakes doesn't really seem fair to me.

he apologized, he's been ostracized by the community for the most part, and he took the time to write a lot of words just so he could have a small chance of playing the game again. he's an active player both on strat and NA1, and i feel at this point in cRPG's lifespan certain factors have to be taken into account when handing out a perm and to me this shouldn't be one of them.

i've been an absolute piece of shit in game for the past few months, and if that hasn't landed me with a permanent ban then this man doesn't deserve one for something he doesn't even continue to do.
Dear traxits
You have received a warning for being a total twat.
Best Regards,
The cRPG Forum Team
Today at 04:50:44 pm   Constant Shitposting   +100

Offline Yeldur

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2018, 01:17:03 am »
0
Ok now for the actual response:

I don't personally think the essay is sincere at all, but that doesn't really bother me as I don't believe anyone who is forced into writing a 1500 word essay would write it sincerely anyways. That being said, your essay was well written, so at least you took the time to make it interesting. Me personally, I hate cheaters. I don't like anything they stand for and I'll never understand why they do what they do. You cheating isn't cool and never will be. I don't personally believe your excuse that you were just "testing" things and didn't realise what you were doing WAS cheating, I think that line is complete bullshit. Overall idc if you're added back into the community, from the looks of things/what I've been told you're not even very good so even with an autoblocker it's doubtful you'd do any actual damage anyways. But that's besides the point, you do need a punishment, but perhaps not one that lasts forever.

I agree with what Tristan's decision was in regards to a month long ban.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 07:59:15 pm by Yeldur »
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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2018, 01:31:11 am »
+10
Years ago, I was being taught a computer science and programming. I was curious, could I apply this skill to games that I was currently playing, but the point for me wasn’t to cheat to be better at the game, no, the point for me was if I could manipulate my tools, to do what I wanted it to do in the game.
 

The CRPG high court finds you guilty of egregious cheating and possession of heretical knowledge. You are hereby sentenced to 5 months of community service where you can put your new found knowledge to use fixing unbreakable walls in strategus.

Offline njames89

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2018, 01:36:00 am »
+3
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Offline bensai

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2018, 01:36:25 am »
+7
unban him ffs

this guy played pretty often just a week or so ago until he was getting targeted by a bunch of people in NA1 chat it seemed. if he's not cheating anymore, and showing remorse, then reduce his ban or take it away

im sure everyone remembers how i was almost banned for a long time earlier this year but it was reduced out the support of my dear friends and understanding of bronto

i used to hate merica because he would always talk shit back in like 2015 to me, and now that i know he was potentially cheating it just makes me lol so i have reason 2 dunk on this loser but since he has returned he seems to have been well behaved (i dont read crpg discord chat theres too much posting in there so im not kept up on current affairs. honestly anyone who reads all of the shit in crpg discord is a loser plain and simple).



if tristan doesnt reduce this guys ban to like a couple weeks MAX i will have to invoke the #SOAKTHEBAN movement which means, because he is permabanned, we will all be soaking a permaban so we will ALL be permabanned
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Offline Viscount

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2018, 01:42:50 am »
-1
Just unban him already.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 01:50:48 am by Viscount »
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Offline Kadeth

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2018, 01:58:22 am »
+6
that's all well and good, but we need to know; how were you such a bad player even with auto block?
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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2018, 01:59:01 am »
+5
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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2018, 03:43:37 am »
+1
TLDR, I was promised lemonade.
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut
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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2018, 04:28:21 am »
+2
If he was currently and not recently using autoblocks what is the problem?
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Offline Thryn

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2018, 05:43:04 am »
+9
As someone who has put literally thousands of hours into Mount & Blade trying to increase their own personal skill in a competitive fashion, nothing puts more of a bad taste in my mouth than a cheater. Same thing goes for a game like CS:GO. I think people who consistently break rules like teamkilling, strat bug abusing, doublespawning, etc. can detract from the mod, but it largely doesn't impact the overall game and in the end it's not a huge deal. However, when it comes to an autoblocker, something inside me tells me that the cheater is taking something I worked hard for away (I suppose that earlier definition of “to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud” helps get my point across). I understand that this is a game I play for fun and from an outsider point of view, it seems like a relatively idiotic thing to get upset over, but I have a feeling that lots of players who have worked for years to get better at the game can resonate with my sentiment.

What made players like me additionally upset was the fact that you had cheated, been caught, and then became volatile in your retaliation against Tristan. You put on an air of untouchability, like you really didn't do anything wrong and no one was going to punish you for it. You even tried to FT7 him and other ridiculous things and insulted others as well. But in all honesty, I think these were actually natural responses for a couple of reasons:

1) Getting attacked by people and not putting up a defense is extremely hard not to do. People have shit-talked me for years in both banter and spite and I do it back to them (albeit I try to come up with original insults so ridiculous that you can't take them seriously because it keeps you from becoming a vitriolic person). In a weird way, I think I understand the reason why you acted the way in which you did.

2) I think a huge contributing factor was the fact that the admin team was so indecisive about how to handle this situation. I saw the logs firsthand months ago and no one really thought anything of it because you hadn't played in a year, but you ended up coming back and nothing was done to you even though it was immediately revealed in public that you were an autoblocker the day of your return. I think this situation probably could've been avoided if the admin team had punished you rather than let this mess continue to grow. Perhaps I am in part to blame because I was the one who revealed this information.

I'm not writing this to attack you or have an "I toad a so" moment. I think you are both serious and genuine in your apology to the community and to Tristan, and I think it's worth posting a serious response. After all, half of the unban essays on this forum are practically off-topic and unapologetic. You understood your mistakes, addressed them, and apologized for them which is all that anyone could expect from someone in your position. There is no one alive who doesn't do things they regret, and everyone on cRPG is regretful for downloading this mod in the first place. I think that anyone who legitimately holds an angry grudge against you for this eDrama should probably reevaluate the way they look at the world. As tacky as this may sound, I forgive you for what you did. I'm hardly an innocent party in this game, but I can tell that this game matters to you and the things that go on in it are heartfelt. I hate to admit it, but this game has a place in my heart somewhere as well. There's a reason we all still play it.

I think that you should serve some ban time because other players have been dealt a similar punishment for the same crime and it is only fair this way. This is for the admin team to decide.

P.S. I'd also like to address the Duckie audio incident in a spoiler because I know I got some flak from you for it and James was also concerned.
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Offline chesterotab

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2018, 06:25:34 am »
+11
In my opinion, he should be allowed to play this video game with us internet gamesters eventually. I firmly believe there should be ban time of at least a month or two, 1 or 2 days is ridiculous for a hacking ban regardless of ban history. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Old crpg autoblock bans were insane multi year long or permanent bans for even slight use, not 50000+ detections.

also, you call it "my suite of tools" again without elaborating EXACTLY what ALL of your tools did in game. Your edit is the first time i have seen that you admit you auto blocked, is that all your suite of tools did? Lets be transparent in an effort to help bring to light what kind of cheats are out there.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 06:33:31 am by chesterotab »

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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2018, 08:00:35 am »
+3
unban he  not like crpg is overpopulated
people are like potatoes, they come in different shapes and sizes and they all are beautifull
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Re: Unban Essay: Why Cheating is bad and how I am Remorseful of it.
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2018, 08:40:01 am »
+4
I remember Murica when he was playing EU side, good lad, had good banters with him.

The Panos says unban him, and ban all ranged.

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