Author Topic: Apologies to LCO  (Read 3564 times)

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Offline Bryggan

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Apologies to LCO
« on: October 25, 2014, 10:15:27 am »
+14
Incident report:  A 13 Knight's caravan was attacked near New Derchios Castle while on its way to Knudarr Castle.  Bryggan must react to this outrage or lose face among his subjects.

Well, Bryggan (me) did react.  Perhaps overreacted.  A declaration of war was just a knee jerk impulse, but time has passed and I realize that negotiation is better than blood shed.  I realize now that the attack was accidental; just due to one man overreacting to perceived (re delusional) threats from outsiders.  But it was his job to stop people from entering Derchios castle, so I forgive him.  And I would like to apolgize to LCO for my hasty reaction; gearing for war when a diplomatic solution is so much better than shedding the blood of so many innocents.

So, in the spirit of peace I offer these terms: LCO will transfer 650 heavily armed troops to the aggrieved party (Aezrayal_13K) to make up for his losses.  As for the lost trade goods we wish 100,000 silver to be transferred to him.  And, for the mental anguish and inconvenience caused by this unjustified attack, we seek an additional 750,000 silver as punitive damages.

Or perhaps 600,000 gold as our armies are already built and armed and ready for shit, plus the fact that rumours of Strat ending seem likely.

So as you can see, we of the 13 Knights are open to reason.  We will give you several days to consider our generous offer in the name of peace, but otherwise we will feel the need to open a can of whupass on yo sorry butts in the name of the 13 Knight's dignity and honour.

Amicably yours,

Bryggan,
Lord of the 13 Knights
Sumus Mala Fortuna

Offline chesterotab

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2014, 11:35:53 am »
+14
So, in the spirit of peace I offer these terms: LCO will transfer 650 heavily armed troops to the aggrieved party (Aezrayal_13K) to make up for his losses.  As for the lost trade goods we wish 100,000 silver to be transferred to him.  And, for the mental anguish and inconvenience caused by this unjustified attack, we seek an additional 750,000 silver as punitive damages.

Or perhaps 600,000 gold as our armies are already built and armed and ready for shit, plus the fact that rumours of Strat ending seem likely.

So as you can see, we of the 13 Knights are open to reason.  We will give you several days to consider our generous offer in the name of peace, but otherwise we will feel the need to open a can of whupass on yo sorry butts in the name of the 13 Knight's dignity and honour.

Amicably yours,

Bryggan,
Lord of the 13 Knights
Sumus Mala Fortuna

Maybe include a wheelbarrow in your demands so you can carry your huge nuts around more easily.

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Offline njames89

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2014, 09:01:51 pm »
+6
Bryggan's Nuts NSFW
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Offline Balikar

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2014, 11:40:03 pm »
-4
Incident report:  A 13 Knight's caravan was attacked near New Derchios Castle while on its way to Knudarr Castle.  Bryggan must react to this outrage or lose face among his subjects.

Well, Bryggan (me) did react.  Perhaps overreacted.  A declaration of war was just a knee jerk impulse, but time has passed and I realize that negotiation is better than blood shed.  I realize now that the attack was accidental; just due to one man overreacting to perceived (re delusional) threats from outsiders.  But it was his job to stop people from entering Derchios castle, so I forgive him.  And I would like to apolgize to LCO for my hasty reaction; gearing for war when a diplomatic solution is so much better than shedding the blood of so many innocents.

So, in the spirit of peace I offer these terms: LCO will transfer 650 heavily armed troops to the aggrieved party (Aezrayal_13K) to make up for his losses.  As for the lost trade goods we wish 100,000 silver to be transferred to him.  And, for the mental anguish and inconvenience caused by this unjustified attack, we seek an additional 750,000 silver as punitive damages.

Or perhaps 600,000 gold as our armies are already built and armed and ready for shit, plus the fact that rumours of Strat ending seem likely.

So as you can see, we of the 13 Knights are open to reason.  We will give you several days to consider our generous offer in the name of peace, but otherwise we will feel the need to open a can of whupass on yo sorry butts in the name of the 13 Knight's dignity and honour.

Amicably yours,

Bryggan,
Lord of the 13 Knights
Sumus Mala Fortuna

100k for goods?  A better compromise should be had.  The goods aren't valued at 100k.  They were likely purchased around the sum of 10 silver per item, and the value comes in the travel, the time, and the risk inherent to trading.  Some times you get the bear, and some times the bear gets you.  I believe 10k for the goods is more than enough for compensation personally. 

As for the 750k in punitive damages, please provide doctor bills showing the degree of injuries.  I believe 250k would be more than generous to cover both counts of trade good, and 'damages.'  As you said, the armies are built, and they'd be compensating you with the bulk of the troops lost in the conflict.  So, where is the real damage? 

And how would LCOH know those troops, and that silver would not be used against them in future battles? 

;-)

Offline Bryggan

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2014, 12:48:44 am »
+7
We have reason to believe Goretooth did not act alone.  A caravan guard passing through LCO lands messaged me the other night.  He told me several weeks ago he was leaving the tavern in New Dhirim and stopped to take a piss in the back alley.  He says he saw two shadowy figures there and decided to eavesdrop.  This is what he heard:

(click to show/hide)

This leads me to believe that Goretooth was trying to improve his relations with one of the more belligerent LCO lords.  I only wish he was asked to deliver a letter or train 7 recruits instead.  But what is done is done.

As for the recompensation, Azraeyal had 1800 goods, which he could have sold at 350% at 25 silver per good which, according to my shaky math, is 157,500 silver, minus tax.  As for the punitive damages, can you really put a price on anguish and mental suffering?  Azraeyel was more like a father to his troops than a commander.  He took the time to talk to each one of them, learned about their families and their hopes and dreams, and would host a pizza night every thursday for them.  He loved them, and they loved him.

But we are reasonable men.  We will reduce the punitive damages to 500,000 silver, and round down the value of the goods to 150,000 silver, for a grand total of 650,000.  But in exchange for our magnanimity, we ask that LCO charge Goretooth with treason, and strip him of his lands and titles and boot him from the faction.  We would also like them to find the 'unidentified voice' and do the same to him.  We suspect it's Chevalier Panda.  His very name gives him away.  While I do not know Panda at all, his name suggests a homicidal maniac who will stop at nothing to spread bloodshed and mayhem over the length and breadth of Calradia.  Panda.  Ooh, just saying the name gives me shivers.

And, once LCO delivers us our generous offer, we would not use the gear and troops against them because if we did, no one would ever trust us again, plus LCO seems like a bunch of decent guys who already have their hands full fighting off Jack's plated armies.  Except for Panda.  That guy freaks me out.
« Last Edit: October 26, 2014, 01:31:20 am by Bryggan »

Offline Balikar

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2014, 01:16:10 am »
+2
We have reason to believe Goretooth did not act alone.  A caravan guard passing through LCO lands messaged me the other night.  He told me several weeks ago he was leaving the tavern in New Dhirim and stopped to take a piss in the back alley.  He says he saw two shadowy figures there and decided to eavesdrop.  This is what he heard:

(click to show/hide)

This leads me to believe that Goretooth was trying to improve his relations with one of the more belligerent LCO lords.  I only wish he was asked to deliver a letter or train 7 recruits instead.  But what is done is done.

As for the recompensation, Azraeyal had 1800 goods, which he could have sold at 350% at 25 silver per good which, according to my shaky math, is 157,500 silver, minus tax.  As for the punitive damages, can you really put a price on anguish and mental suffering?  Azraeyel was more like a father to his troops than a commander.  He took the time to talk to each one of them, learned about their families and their hopes and dreams, and would host a pizza night every thursday for them.  He loved them, and they loved him.

But we are reasonable men.  We will reduce the punitive damages to 500,000 silver, and round down the value of the goods to 150,000 silver, for a grand total of 650,000.  But in exchange for our magnanimity, we ask that LCO charge Goretooth with treason, and strip him of his lands and titles and boot him from the faction.  We would also like them to find the 'unidentified voice' and do the same to him.  We suspect it's Chevalier Panda.  His very name gives him away.  While I do not Panda at all, his name suggests a homicidal maniac who will stop at nothing to spread bloodshed and mayhem over the length and breadth of Calradia.  Panda.  Ooh, just saying the name gives me shivers.

And, once LCO delivers us our generous offer, we would not use the gear and troops against them because if we did, no one would ever trust us again, plus LCO seems like a bunch of decent guys who already have their hands full fighting off Jack's plated armies.  Except for Panda.  That guy freaks me out.

You believe it is Panda?  My apologies, sir, but you keep referencing 'he.'  Panda is in fact, a 'she.'  She has quite the feminine voice, and therefore, your story has a most assured hole in it.  Since you would fail to make such a clear distinction between the nobles of LCOH, your story is hard to swallow.  Why, I wonder if you truly know what Goretooth looks like, or what his voice sounds like. Plus, your story is coming from an unidentified source, and thus...  Who knows what was lost in its translation?  This can all be a ploy created by an LCOH enemy in hopes to stir a war between the Knights and LCOH.  I'm quite certain you have delivered such letters in your own travels...

Now then...   as to the supposed value of the goods... as I said, some times you get the bear, and some times the bear gets you.  There is no such thing as safe passage.  Was he bound for the north?  Heading towards Astralis?  Perhaps they would remember the ransacking of the local farmer that you yourself handled.  Or perhaps your man was heading south, where again, your armies raped and pillaged many a caravan under the guise of "Mercenary army, hired by the Squids."  No, safe passage would be far from guaranteed....

Perhaps a price of 12 per item is a little better.  To help cover the taxes of course. 


>>As for the punitive damages, can you really put a price on anguish and mental suffering?  Azraeyel was more like a father to his troops than a commander.  He took the time to talk to each one of them, learned about their families and their hopes and dreams, and would host a pizza night every thursday for them.  He loved them, and they loved him.<<

in order to truly make a claim regarding the mental health of your soldiers, they would have to be of sound mind to begin with.  I had heard rumors that he AND HIS MEN have been seen on countless excursions into the local villager's sheep pens.  The screams, shrieks, and 'baa's' that filled the night have left many a child scarred.  Should we tally up the totals on THEIR mental anguish?  Their innocence has been lost, and cannot be regained.  No, let's keep that book closed for the time being.

Still, there are other reports regarding exotic kittens, and a famed +3 courser whom I am most certain you would rather keep unnamed.


Offline Lt_Anders

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2014, 01:31:55 am »
+1
I support the crusade.
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Offline Bryggan

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2014, 01:50:27 am »
+3
True, I do not know Panda.  My accusations are based entirely on her name, which reeks of violence, bloodshed and hatred.  And I believe that in itself would stand up in a medieval courtroom.

Aezrayal was aware of the dangers of trading.  He had been trading for quite some time without any incident.  He was armed enough to deal with small time raiders, and wise enough to avoid the armies of the more aggressive factions.  But he trusted Les Chevaliers Occitan.  Their very name is based on chivalry- ie protect the weak and use honour in their dealings.  From a chevalier one expects notification of an attack, a fair fight, and mercy for the loser.  He didn't get any of those.

As for the sheep incident, he explained to me that it was because of a drunken dare that got a little out of hand.  He does say the sheep enjoyed it as much as his men did though.

The horrible, horrible things I did for the Squids is all on their own shoulders.  I was hired as a privateer, aimed at crippling the Squid's enemies economy while boosting theirs.  And due to communication problems, I ended up attacking some of their allies too, so it all came out even in the end.  As for the attack on the Astralis member, that was done out of love.  The poor guy was unarmed and just loaded with crates.  So just like a father may take away his boy's bicycle that he found lying around unlocked, I took away his crates.  It was painful, but it was a lesson that needed to be learned.  This also prevented those crates from falling into unsavory hands.

So we believe we acted with honour in our raping and pillaging, and we expect LCO to do the same.

Offline Balikar

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2014, 01:56:55 am »
0
True, I do not know Panda.  My accusations are based entirely on her name, which reeks of violence, bloodshed and hatred.  And I believe that in itself would stand up in a medieval courtroom.

Aezrayal was aware of the dangers of trading.  He had been trading for quite some time without any incident.  He was armed enough to deal with small time raiders, and wise enough to avoid the armies of the more aggressive factions.  But he trusted Les Chevaliers Occitan.  Their very name is based on chivalry- ie protect the weak and use honour in their dealings.  From a chevalier one expects notification of an attack, a fair fight, and mercy for the loser.  He didn't get any of those.

As for the sheep incident, he explained to me that it was because of a drunken dare that got a little out of hand.  He does say the sheep enjoyed it as much as his men did though.

The horrible, horrible things I did for the Squids is all on their own shoulders.  I was hired as a privateer, aimed at crippling the Squid's enemies economy while boosting theirs.  And due to communication problems, I ended up attacking some of their allies too, so it all came out even in the end.  As for the attack on the Astralis member, that was done out of love.  The poor guy was unarmed and just loaded with crates.  So just like a father may take away his boy's bicycle that he found lying around unlocked, I took away his crates.  It was painful, but it was a lesson that needed to be learned.  This also prevented those crates from falling into unsavory hands.

So we believe we acted with honour in our raping and pillaging, and we expect LCO to do the same.

I see you ducked away from the exotic kittens, and the +3 courser.  Good move on your part. 

Offline Kartoffel_Salat

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2014, 02:31:17 am »
+1
We have reason to believe Goretooth did not act alone.  A caravan guard passing through LCO lands messaged me the other night.  He told me several weeks ago he was leaving the tavern in New Dhirim and stopped to take a piss in the back alley.  He says he saw two shadowy figures there and decided to eavesdrop.  This is what he heard:

(click to show/hide)

This leads me to believe that Goretooth was trying to improve his relations with one of the more belligerent LCO lords.  I only wish he was asked to deliver a letter or train 7 recruits instead.  But what is done is done.

As for the recompensation, Azraeyal had 1800 goods, which he could have sold at 350% at 25 silver per good which, according to my shaky math, is 157,500 silver, minus tax.  As for the punitive damages, can you really put a price on anguish and mental suffering?  Azraeyel was more like a father to his troops than a commander.  He took the time to talk to each one of them, learned about their families and their hopes and dreams, and would host a pizza night every thursday for them.  He loved them, and they loved him.

But we are reasonable men.  We will reduce the punitive damages to 500,000 silver, and round down the value of the goods to 150,000 silver, for a grand total of 650,000.  But in exchange for our magnanimity, we ask that LCO charge Goretooth with treason, and strip him of his lands and titles and boot him from the faction.  We would also like them to find the 'unidentified voice' and do the same to him.  We suspect it's Chevalier Panda.  His very name gives him away.  While I do not know Panda at all, his name suggests a homicidal maniac who will stop at nothing to spread bloodshed and mayhem over the length and breadth of Calradia.  Panda.  Ooh, just saying the name gives me shivers.

And, once LCO delivers us our generous offer, we would not use the gear and troops against them because if we did, no one would ever trust us again, plus LCO seems like a bunch of decent guys who already have their hands full fighting off Jack's plated armies. Except for Panda.  That guy freaks me out.

HIS. I find this quite offensive!!!! I am not 12 : (
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Offline Bryggan

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2014, 02:35:05 am »
+3
HIS. I find this quite offensive!!!! I am not 12 : (

Damn, looks like I have to apologize again.  Sorry :oops:

But you must realize that when you choose a name like 'Panda', people will fear and mistrust you.  All I did was look through the names of your faction, and decided yours was the most fearsome.  So, be honest, was it or was it not you that induced Goretooth to attack me?

Offline Kartoffel_Salat

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2014, 02:40:25 am »
+2
Damn, looks like I have to apologize again.  Sorry :oops:

But you must realize that when you choose a name like 'Panda', people will fear and mistrust you.  All I did was look through the names of your faction, and decided yours was the most fearsome.  So, be honest, was it or was it not you that induced Goretooth to attack me?

No sir, I did not. Goretooth does his own thing. He's never really followed anyone, or listened.
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Offline Bryggan

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #12 on: October 26, 2014, 02:46:56 am »
+3
But the letter!  We tortured the guy to death just to make sure it wasn't a fake!

Offline Balikar

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #13 on: October 26, 2014, 02:50:59 am »
0
But the letter!  We tortured the guy to death just to make sure it wasn't a fake!

So clearly it was.  Perhaps his family's lives were at stake, and so a fictitious letter was created, and his delivery had to happen or else his family would be wiped off the face of the planet.  He endured your torture simply so his baby could live...

Interesting turn.

Also, isn't it interesting it went from a conversation to a letter... hrmm...



« Last Edit: October 26, 2014, 02:54:48 am by Balikar »

Offline Bryggan

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Re: Apologies to LCO
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2014, 02:05:51 am »
+4
He told me because I am illiterate, you dumbass!  But there was a letter.  Oh, and my men just told me he wasn't a caravan guard, he was a sergeant. What can I say, i was pretty drunk at the time.